What the hell is Ditch the Tiara?

Redefining the word beautiful...one dirty, sweaty, bruised up mile at a time, with a few downward dogs along the way...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Who do I think I am...

....that I can do an Ironman? I knew this moment would come and the fear and anxiety would set in, if only for a few brief moments and I knew EXACTLY when it would come to me.
In. the. pool.
Last night, after work, I ran 12 miles and felt great. It was cooling off rapidly as the sun set and when I finished at 7:35PM, it had started to snow lightly. Mike was busy cleaning and making dinner (thank you Lord!) and so I tried to relax but with 3 loads of laundry to fold, I tended to my own chores. We finally sat down to eat around 8:30PM and it sunk in that in less than 8 hours, I would be waking up to do this all over again. 1700 yard swim in the a.m., 27 mile ride in the p.m.

I had a horrible night's sleep as I fight off Upper Respiratory Cough Syndrome - went to the doctor yesterday and was diagnosed. It's post nasal drip as a result of a cold that causes me to cough, a lot. It typically takes 6 weeks to subside untreated, I am entering week 4. Taking an inhaled nasal steroid and a sinus rinse, hopefully will help.

I beat my alarm by 15 minutes and just layed there til it went off at 4:30am. 1700 yds in the pool this morning. Dreading...dreading...dreading... Ok, not THAT bad but I wasn't too excited when I got in the car and the temp was 27. Good grief.

Struggled with my drills when I didn't use the zoomers or snorkel. I feel like a lost kid in a grocery store and I can't find my rhythm. The second the snorkel is on, I calm down. I just want to be in the open water where I feel safe and comfortable. Backwards, I know.

So, I left the pool with my head hanging low and the worst thing happened, the thought of "Who do I think I am that I can do an Ironman?" entered my head. I know this has happened to everyone. The ONLY time that I even feel like I am training for this momentous and arduous event is when I am in the pool. I can run a marathon or ride 102 miles and never feel like I am doing anything out of the ordinary. Put me in the pool for 45 minutes and I am scared s**tless. I will keep plugging along though and rely on the only thing I have right now, faith.


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kristina,

you will be a fine swimmer at IM MOO....I was pulled out of the swim at IMAZ 2005...the following year, I conquered the swim and CRIED all the way to the transition area.....

It was a great feeling......and no I'm not afraid to swim...still hate it, but not afraid !!!

Jackiexxxx

Mike said...

Honey, the reality of this all is that one day, soon, all the drills and tips and coaching will click, and you will have the comfort that you need in the water...it happens to everyone who is a non-swimmer become triathlete, (well it ddi for me, as I am sure it will for you) Stay focused, keep the faith...love you.

BJ said...

I've been there, oh yeah, I've been there. Not really feeling comfortable in the water. It blows. Because you know you can through on the running shoes and kick 1/2 the field on the marathon. Keep at it...those days you feel like it's a struggle, just think that it's one more step closer to making everything 'click'. I don't have one piece of advice that will make you bypass the time in the pool, but know that making your swim a focus will only bring good things down the road. Your doing it right.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, you will confront that "What am I thinking?" notion again between now and September. I did it with the wind on the bike getting ready for Florida. One day it clicked that I had to figure out what happens if it blows like this on THE day. What happens if you feel that way about the swim on race day? What are you gonna do? Manage it in your mind. Once I dealt with that worst case scenario, the rhythm came back. The unhesitating answer to "What am I thinking?" is that you're strong and determined and gonna be great in WI! Petra

Anonymous said...

And, by the way...I'll meet ya for a swim anytime if you want company! p

Deanna said...

Kristina, I can't relate (yet), but hang in there. If there is one thing I know about you, it is that you have the desire, the heart, a dream and a vision. You WILL get there! Keep it up girl!

knopfler said...

When any scary thought enters my head my strategy is to turn it into a caricature of itself.

Water looks scary?
pretend its a vat of nastiness and everyone in it wants to get you.

Then just gather up yourself for a second - a second is all it takes - jump in and go. You will quickly realize it isn't a vat of nastiness and nobody wants to hurt you and you will wonder what you were so afraid of.

Then you are good to go...2.4, 2.3, 2.2, 2.1, like a jog in the park.

sounds silly, but silly beats scary any day.