What the hell is Ditch the Tiara?

Redefining the word beautiful...one dirty, sweaty, bruised up mile at a time, with a few downward dogs along the way...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Who's to blame?

It's a funny thing, the past.  If you are fortunate enough to learn from it, then you can think back and remember all the lessons learned, in good times and bad and you ... move... on!  Good for you!  And if you're like the rest of us, well, then you think when it was good it was GOOD but when it was bad, it was all your fault and you get "stuck."  Well, I was "stuck" for a long, long time.  There was a time, far, far ago that I had zero self-esteem and even less self-respect.  And up until about 1 1/2 years ago, did I finally realize that I was fucking young and stupid and just trying to find my way in the world.... That's it.  Nothing more. Nothing less.  And what makes it worse, as a woman, I tend to over-analyze and take on responsibility of EVERYTHING.  and I do mean everything.  as in EVERYTHING.  A bird falls out of its nest in Africa and dies, my fault. A grocery store runs out of eggs because the stock boy didn't report inventory correctly, my fault. When Brad and Jennifer broke up, totally. my. fault. See where I'm going with this?  As an outsider, I could see you saying - wow, wouldn't if be incredible if the world actually revolved around YOU like that?  Yeah, funny, huh?  

In the past few months, I have had to find peace with my life and it has been difficult.  Incredibly difficult.  So many lessons to be learned though.  When we open ourselves to the possibility that everything truly happens for a reason, we grow... A very old and dear friend recently shared a very special sentiment that I will cherish... "The point of a journey is not to arrive."  I love this thought.  (thank you RUSH!)  Embrace the twists and turns of the unknown and keep on looking forward, not behind.  There is no blame to be placed on who I was and what I did because it brought me to who I am and what I am going to do... My journey has only just begun, well at least this one as I know there will be so many more... 

1 comment:

Christi said...

This is a great post and one I should take to heart. I put way too much blame on my own shoulders. When I really should just enjoy the journey.