What the hell is Ditch the Tiara?

Redefining the word beautiful...one dirty, sweaty, bruised up mile at a time, with a few downward dogs along the way...

Thursday, April 5, 2012

the power of getting out of your comfort zone.

For years, I have been a creature of habit.  Day in, day out...routine, routine, routine.  I get very uncomfortable when that changes.  Throw a wrench into my schedule and I sort of, well, flip out.  Not to the outsider but in my mind, I am sweating, pacing, nervous, anxious.  Goes with the territory of being a Scorpio...something I've referenced before...and dead on...

Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment.

In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character. They need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil. Their tenacity and willpower are immense, their depth of character and passionate conviction overwhelming, yet they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions. Their sensitivity, together with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt and quick to detect insult or injury to themselves (often when none is intended.)

Anyways, I digress...  Right now, I am about 99% out of my comfort zone.  The glue holding me together?  That 1%?? Training.  training for a triathlon.  training for a triathlon that is 140.6 miles long.  6 days a week.  swimming/biking/running.  day after day after day.  on top of a full time job. on top of hanging out with my friends and family.  on top of being in a new relationship. on top of sheer exhaustion physically and mentally. on top of feeling like I never have time to do anything but manage to do everything. the one thing that is so in my comfort zone is a crazy, insane ultra-endurance event that destroys my muscles, makes me eat just about every 2 hours, takes up so much of life and... it. makes. me. feel. SANE. How is that even possible you ask?  I can't say for sure.   I guess it's the one thing I can control. my training schedule specifically. I possess the most amount of confidence when I train and race this distance.  I am not fast.  I am not competitive.  but when I think about "Ironman," I. am. fearless.  I dig deep and I dive in. 110%. I never feel like a failure because so very few people in this world even attempt, let alone actually finish a 140.6 mile race... so I feel so strong because I have...4 times, going on 5...(see the confidence?  it's not until July 29th but in my mind, it's already done.)

I have always been the "turn-the-music-up-loud-shut-the-blinds-open-the-second-bottle-of wine (oh yeah, second)-retreat-withdraw-avoid" kind of girl.  But I now know how unhealthy that was.  Being a loner is within my comfort zone. Being self-destructive and having low self-esteem is in my comfort zone. Being an Ironman is even more within my comfort zone.  Being that girl that feels worthy of love and happiness?  SO OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.  (for so many unexplainable reasons.)  again, I digress.  and when I tell my loved ones that I feel uncomfortable. scared. vulnerable.  you know what they say?  GOOD!  you will learn.  you will grow.  and you WILL be happy.  That is powerful.  I am tired of fulfilling my self-destructive prophecies.  What's that expression?  More like my mantra? Oh yeah, right...it's self-indulgent and a bit vain, but in its own right ~ I am an Ironman.  I possess the power to accomplish anything...including getting out of my comfort zone...and surviving.  


Christi said...

I hear ya girlfriend. I am out of work right now and that is completely out of my comfort zone but I am making it.

I have suggestion. Get the book "The Secret" and read it. It has done wonders for me. I am planning a path in my life right now that I have always been afraid to tackle but this book helped me see that I can do it. And I will do it!

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