January 21, 2012 - love.life. me. redefined. ...as I re-read this post, I could feel the pain coursing through my veins and the invevitable stab in the heart. wow. 344 days ago and I feel like I am reading a story of the life of someone else. another woman. another world. it was "her" story of obstacles, road blocks, brick walls and tragedy. a divorce. a death. a loss of identity...and little did she know what the end of the year would have in store for her. a new love. the birth of a beautiful life. a new career. a solid sense of who she is and what she wants from this short and fragile life.
to sum up 2012 in one word is tough but not impossible. the common theme I have felt, day after day, week after week, month after month has been *triumph* ...I have confronted demons - dark, ugly, hateful parts of myself: triumph. I cleaned the skeletons out of the closet and made peace with my childhood and with people who may have not brought the brightest light to my life: triumph. I have said goodbye to hatred and negative self-talk: triumph. although an extrovert, I have come out of my shell - sharing, wearing my heart more proudly on my sleeve and making new friends by putting it all out there: triumph.
In 12 short months, I have experienced more than most people can fathom and will ever see in their lifetime. Went through a divorce, bought a house, was fortunate to spend time with my 92 year old grandfather, ran a marathon with my sister, went on 8 vacations, stood up in a wedding, ran 6 marathons, completed my 5th Ironman, volunteered in Kona at the Ironman World Championships, jumped off a cliff, quit my job without having a job, turned 40 with not 1 but 2 surprise birthday parties, placed 3rd in my age group in a 5k, rode my bike up Mt. Evans AND Pikes Peak and hiked the Grand Canyon. Being known as the girl who doesn't brag or believe that any of this is a "big deal" (as it's my life), I really am kind of in awe. of myself? For the first time in my life, I can step outside of myself and see my life through the eyes of an observer. How does it feel? Strange, foreign and unbelievable. It's hard to believe that this can really be someone's life... my life.
I am already thinking about 2013. Ok, not the year in its entirety as all I am really thinking about is what I will be doing at midnight, January 1st, 2013 as 'this chapter' is coming to a close. and you know what? I don't feel like finishing this book. I can guess the ending and it's time to move on. a new book. a new story. in which *I* will write. I will no longer allow for things to happen to me. and what does the first chapter look like? triumph. the main character? A girl who has turned her life around and instead of waking up every day with pain in her heart, the first and only feeling is joy. in its purest form. endless, strong and newly awakened joy. Thank you 2012 for teaching me all those life lessons in just 12 short months. Thank you for bringing the most amazing and beautiful people into my life. and thank you for the gift of love. Impossible is nothing...at least to this TiaraDitcher...