What the hell is Ditch the Tiara?

Redefining the word beautiful...one dirty, sweaty, bruised up mile at a time, with a few downward dogs along the way...

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Jack in the box

Where are my words???  they're here.  somewhere.  but all I can think to say is... "I should be writing...I want to be writing...why am I not writing?" I have thoughts, so many beautiful, colorful thoughts, swirling about my never quiet head... but they're not ready to leave the comfort of my mind I guess. I can articulate this though...2013 fucking sucked.  and 2014 is going to be better.  It HAS to be better.  It WILL be better.  I am going to make it better.  I have some pretty incredible people in my life now, I mean they're really, truly amazing.  They genuinely care for my well-being...they don't judge or criticize me...they make me think, they make me smile, they accept me for who I am - exactly AS I am! and they make me want to seek out the coveted "balance" in life that I so lack.  I don't have balance.  haven't had it in years... I work my ass off during the day. I train so hard before and after work - I am relentless and dedicated and disciplined.  Sadly, I say no to more happy hour invitations than I (deep down) want to.  I am, for a lack of a better word, afraid to date. I am just so sick of being hurt and disappointed - not in the person, but in the lack of compatibility.  I'm such a different person now and I am very "specific" in what I'm looking for and willing to compromise. A few people have peaked my interest but I SUCK at letting fate run its course! always have. So I won't take that chance.  I feel a little pathetic really. So for now, I keep a routine.  It helps me stay focused.  relaxed.  comforted.  I really want to get out of this box though. You know that expression, "think outside of the box."  Well, I can't think about it or I will self-sabotage myself.  I just need to jump the fuck out of the box. Like Jack.  I just need to wind myself up fast, listen to that psychotic music and just JUMP.  Who knows what will happen.  but I can tell you this, it will be a hell of a lot more exciting than life as I currently know it. Maybe it will be more fulfilling.  maybe I will let my guard down to let "someone" in. maybe I will get hurt.  BUT... maybe I will realize that my life is pretty amazing just as it is but that it's ok to slow down every now and again. oh yeah, that balance thing...just. maybe.........  

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