Ditch the Tiara

turning 55.

2012-02-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

It finally happened. despite months of agony and pain in my glute and hamstring. despite having zero drive to get my ass into my running shoes and hit the pavement because the speed wasn't there to help with the emotional healing. despite having drank 5 glasses of wine the night before and eating way too many cookies and a cupcake. I showed up at 6:30am in Huntington Beach, CA and ran the Surf City Marathon. #55. The weather was gorgeous. The ocean roaring out to me, encouraging me to just soak it all in. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect morning. EXCEPT. my shoes were too tight. mislabeled. and oh-so-painful. I have some bone structure issues that require I wear wide shoes to alleviate the pressure that unmistakably feels like tiny knife stabs when in the wrong width shoe. At mile 16, I thought to myself - how in the HELL am I going to do this for 10 more miles. and then I had to do it. I had to play the game. The Ironman game. Ok, it's 10 miles...so, just get to the next aid station and you can walk through it...maybe stop, stretch. Alright, keep moving, you can do anything for 9 miles...look at that sucker right there, on the OTHER side of the path, you're 6 miles ahead of him - it could be so worse, you could be right next to him with 15 miles to go and so on. Somehow I managed to get to mile 24 where I blocked out the pain completely and played the game hard. You can do anything for 2 miles...you can do anything for 1 mile... get out of my way bitch, I have been running right next to you this whole time, you are not outsprinting me the last 200 yards. And after 4 hours and 15 minutes, I became a 55 time marathoner thinking about #56.

love. life. me. redefined...

2012-01-21T22:15:00.002-07:00

So. Where do I begin? (((deep breath...sigh))) To say my life has been difficult these past 6 months would be gravely inaccurate. Truthfully, it has been a living hell. Upon finding out the news I was pregnant in September, one would think it would have been the most joyous time of my life. You see, for over a year, I talked about, thought about and dreamed about the possibility of having a baby...of becoming a mom...of experiencing the truest definition of the phrase "unconditional love." Despite the fact that I was scared shitless, and not at all convinced that I actually wanted to physically carry a baby, for a fleeting moment...the blink of an eye...a split second, I felt the purest joy. and then I remembered. My husband and I were separating. We had already begun talking about it for a few weeks and despite struggling with the decision, we both knew this marriage had ended long ago. However, the friendship endured and so the comfort of the beautiful life we built together was the glue that was holding everything together. The realization that I would be a single mom not only frightened me, it horrified me. This was not the plan. It wasn't supposed to be my destiny. I was depressed. I was angry. I was sad. Every day I would wake up happy and then reality set in. Fuck. I'm pregnant. I'm getting divorced. Why. me? Why. now? and truthfully, I wanted to turn to the one thing I knew that would make me forget, even if it was for the briefest amount of time, 20 minutes, 3 hours, however long I could grasp onto that feeling that could me make forget. I wanted to run. I wanted to run hard. I wanted to run fast. But. I was injured and I was pregnant. So I walked. I walked far. I walked for hours. I cried. and cried. and cried. There was a heartbeat. Something I didn't experience with my 2 prior pregnancies in 2004. There was a fucking heartbeat. A living breathing being had chosen my body to come to life in. And then fate intervened and I lost the baby at 7 weeks. I wasn't sure if I should feel sadness or relief. So I felt both. but somehow. every day. I got out of bed, not knowing what my future would look like. I put both feet on the ground literally, but I was not grounded. I struggled at work. I didn't want to do anything anymore. I had no drive. No ambition. No passion, for anything. Who am I? I asked myself this constantly.

Now I look back at that time and think, I was still me, just a version that I had never seen nor been before. My friends and family stepped up to the plate. They loved me more. They hugged me tighter. They made me smile bigger. They lent me their shoulders to cry upon. They gave me courage. They gave me strength. They gave me hope. But most importantly, they gave me the greatest gift that I thought I would never receive. They gave me their unconditional love. despite my mood swings. despite my continuous cancellation of plans. despite my complaining and constant crying. They gave me their unconditional love...they gave me their unconditional love.

Our divorce is final March 7th. D-day. I have mixed feelings as I say goodbye to the life I have lived for the past 10 years. To the man I have loved. To the woman that struggled with what seemed like endless challenges. But the universe only gives you what you can handle. The universe knows how strong you are and it continually challenges you to make you stronger. I come out of this experience a stronger woman. I have a new sense of my identity. It's more solid. I have changed so much. Maybe you can't see it but my confidence has grown exponentially. I am more honest. I say what I mean and I now mean what I say. I stand up for my beliefs. I call it like it is. I have become the version of myself that I have always dreamed about being. This was the firm push into the unknown that had been waiting in the wings. and so now I am a feather, floating in the wind, waiting to see where I will land. But I now know that when I land with both feet on the ground, I *will* be grounded.

my idea of love. my dream life. my sense of me. is now ... redefined. I don't know what that definition entails, but I am very excited to experience this new version of me. I know she's strong. and I know she's going to kick some serious ass. she's a Jensen and we Jensen's never do anything less.

Under construction.

2012-01-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

I have been under going some serious construction lately. In life. at work. in my training. So much to share, so little time. I need to set aside some time STAT to get my thoughts out there before they disappear on me. or worse. are bull-dozered. SO. please stay tuned... I promise, it will be worth the wait.

Serendipity.

2011-12-29T22:35:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love this word. Serendipity. I love how it looks. I love how it sounds. and... I love what it means.

The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way: "a fortunate stroke of serendipity".

I am so cliche! I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe you are never thrown more than you can handle. I believe the universe truly listens to you, and gives you what you ask for, even when you don't even think you're asking for anything. Most importantly, I believe that when you least expect it, the most amazing things happen. You're not looking for these things. You're not wishing for them. "It" hits you like a ton of bricks. One moment you are minding your own business and then BAM. Serendipity. If you're not a believer, I dare you to challenge yourself... open your mind but more importantly, open your heart. But first... you must close your eyes and simply, believe.

Time to kiss and make up.

2011-12-14T22:54:00.001-07:00

Reflection is a wonderful thing, but there is only so much of the past that needs to be a part of the present. Enough with the heavy shit...I'm moving on. As we near the end of 2011, I look forward to all the gifts and life lessons that 2012 will bring me.

Physical therapy is going well and I am making huge strides in my healing. I am so grateful that I can "run" again. I am much slower than I was a year ago, but I am ok with it. Having gone almost 14 years without serious injury, I realize that I am truly blessed to be able to continue to do the thing I love most. Running is cathartic. It can be slow and soul soothing, or it can be fast and fierce, releasing anger and pain. For now it soothes me, but I hope to be able to use it soon as an incredible outlet to release the negativity that sometimes, consumes us all. It's also getting its two training partners back next year, the swim and the bike. We broke up this past summer, but it would appear we're on the mend.

I have started to dial in next year's racing calendar, which will include a few marathons (and I use the term "few" loosely as I am only Six 26.2's away from the big 6-0), maybe an Oly and the mother of all triathlons, a 140.6. There's a new kid in town and it's called the HITS Triathlon Series, which will take place in Ft. Collins. Finally, the big guy is coming to Colorado. I am still debating how long I want to train for it - do I go the easy route of 26 weeks or do I challenge myself with just 10? I am always up for a good challenge, so you can imagine where this is headed.

For now, I continue to work on strength training, weightlifting specifically - focusing on both my upper AND lower body, something I've neglected for awhile now. I've also come to experience a love/hate relationship with the stair climber aka son-of-a-bitch. But it's doing its job by strengthening my glutes, with the hopes that it will speed up my recovery process. I will cruise through these last few days of December with a light-hearted workout regimen before getting serious in the new year. Somehow, I will have to force my skinny ass into the cold pool, and suck up trainer rides until the weather warms up...BUT the excitement and drive is back and I am ready to let triathlon back into my life. The break is o.v.e.r.

Keeping it real.

2011-12-10T19:25:00.003-07:00

“Don't try too hard to fit in; you were born to stand out.”

Sounds so simple, doesn't it? It makes sense. Why would you want to be like everybody else? Well, probably because you think being yourself is not good enough...and that if you could act like, resemble or even pretend to BE someone else (screw you Jennifer Aniston, you are so NOT the hottest woman of all time- you got nothin' on Sophia Loren!!) then people would like you more, accept you. But it's not really you that they like. And what ends up happening is that you still don't like yourself, in fact you probably like yourself less. What a sad, sad notion.

I have become increasingly more honest in revealing my thoughts and experiences, through my writing, that I have held onto so tightly for a long time...but you know what? I am ready to move on. I have been criticized for being "too" honest on my blog. That's just me being me. It's who I am. It's how I got here, so I really don't give a damn what other people think. You don't like it? Don't read it. This is MY life, let ME live it. I want to share my truths. Over 11 years ago, I was hospitalized for depression. Yes, me. I loathed myself. Hated who I was, who I had become. Suicide was the catalyst to my treatment. Some amazing women I worked with actually helped save my life. They provided me with so many reasons to live. They told me incredibly positive things about myself and I would look at them like they were crazy!! I didn't believe in myself so why the hell should I believe them?!? I couldn't relate at all to what they were saying. Surely they were talking about someone else. But for some reason, I took a leap of faith...I believed them.

A lot of shit went down in my 20s (that I have referenced before) that I am ashamed of and have completely blocked out. Thankfully, I have the gift of forgetting (but it sucks when I am trying to find my car keys or wallet!) and I truly am missing memories that I am reminded of when I talk to people from my past. and you know what? I still can't recollect those events, I guess it's my mind's way of protecting myself. I wanted so badly to fit in with people that I had no business being friends with. I forced relationships. I didn't let things "be." I tried to force my life in a direction that it wasn't meant to go in. I didn't believe in myself, therefore I couldn't BE me. I wasn't even a reflection of the person that I am today.

I can't name a specific time or memory that slapped me so hard in the face and woke me up to the fact that I am worthy of love, self-love that is. It was more a series of small successes that I didn't even see coming, that slowly made me believe that I was meant to stand out. Be different. Not to have to fit in. Somewhere along the way, I Ditched the Tiara, and settled into the person I am today. I love myself, but I really love my flaws. They're what make me unique. I laugh at extremely inappropriate times...I swear WAY too much...I am a sarcastic mother fucker...I speak my mind, even when it doesn't make any sense to anyone but myself...I am addicted to the show Hoarders even though I hate clutter...I wear clothes that have stains because I am too lazy to replace them...I like Maroon Five's song -Moves Like Jagger (I know, it sucks but...)...I find that the 5pm sunlight in the car is the perfect time to pluck unsightly facial hairs that come with aging...I make up my own words that are SO dorky...I put ketchup on just about everything and I mean everything (gross, right?)...and I can go 7 days without washing my hair...and you know what? I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. I am just being me. The me that believes in myself. I want to stand out. Why? Because it's fucking fun.

"Long run" Finally.

2011-12-04T23:05:00.020-07:00

I have been in physical therapy for a few months now, struggling with my left hamstring, right where it meets my glute. Running has been a bear, to say the least. I have turned most of my attention to strengthening and have even ventured on to the stair master. Complete mental hell, if you ask me. I have limited my running to 1 or 2 days a week and apparently, this is really helping per my PT. Love her by the way. Not only does she kick my ass and help me get better, she's an incredible listener and bears the gift of gab and so we always go over session times by 30 minutes, which is precisely why I like to be her last patient of the day. Anyways, today I decided I want to go for a long run. However, it was only in the 20s and there was tons of ice outside, so I took this notion to the gym. I don't need a broken ankle! Off to the treadmill to be precise. It started off that I was only going to run 2 hours, which at my most recent snails pace, would be about 12 miles. But every 30 minutes, I bumped up the speed and by the time I hit 2 hours, I decided - just a little bit further - and finished up 14 miles at 8mph. Granted, I didn't hold it for very long but I haven't seen that type of speed in months...my left hamstring/glute was definitely aware and aggravated by what was going on but I told it to fuck off because I really needed to run off some anxiety and get my heart rate up. I have a ways to go before I am healed physically, but the mental healing has already begun.

Who's to blame?

2011-12-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

It's a funny thing, the past. If you are fortunate enough to learn from it, then you can think back and remember all the lessons learned, in good times and bad and you ... move... on! Good for you! And if you're like the rest of us, well, then you think when it was good it was GOOD but when it was bad, it was all your fault and you get "stuck." Well, I was "stuck" for a long, long time. There was a time, far, far ago that I had zero self-esteem and even less self-respect. And up until about 1 1/2 years ago, did I finally realize that I was fucking young and stupid and just trying to find my way in the world.... That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less. And what makes it worse, as a woman, I tend to over-analyze and take on responsibility of EVERYTHING. and I do mean everything. as in EVERYTHING. A bird falls out of its nest in Africa and dies, my fault. A grocery store runs out of eggs because the stock boy didn't report inventory correctly, my fault. When Brad and Jennifer broke up, totally. my. fault. See where I'm going with this? As an outsider, I could see you saying - wow, wouldn't if be incredible if the world actually revolved around YOU like that? Yeah, funny, huh?

In the past few months, I have had to find peace with my life and it has been difficult. Incredibly difficult. So many lessons to be learned though. When we open ourselves to the possibility that everything truly happens for a reason, we grow... A very old and dear friend recently shared a very special sentiment that I will cherish... "The point of a journey is not to arrive." I love this thought. (thank you RUSH!) Embrace the twists and turns of the unknown and keep on looking forward, not behind. There is no blame to be placed on who I was and what I did because it brought me to who I am and what I am going to do... My journey has only just begun, well at least this one as I know there will be so many more...

I actually HAVE been working out and training.

2011-11-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

Despite my getting philosophical, deep and emotional in my recent posts (for reasons I will reveal at a later date) I have still been keeping active. Very active...I have been hitting the gym hard, 5 days a week, focusing on strength. I even work out on the stairmaster - the old school steps - that I have come to accept are the bane of my existence. I would rather be hung by my toenails. I hate those damn stairs. I also finally sucked it up and started working on legs AND chest. The two hardest things to get back into because of the inevitable soreness that almost always follows those first few times working those body parts. But I have easily fallen back into lunges and squats and am slowly starting to see results. I am trying to build up my twizzler-like limbs. In the meantime, I am continuing to build my upper body with hopes that it will improve my swimming, when I bother to get around to doing that. For now, the water is simply too chilly for this string bean. I am only running 1 or 2 days a week and have taken up to distance walking again, having walked 10 miles yesterday. Loved it! PT is going great by the way, progress is being made, so I don't want to do too much too soon - patience is difficult but I want to be 100% before I dive back into marathon training. And I haven't been on my bike in awhile and since today was so beautiful I took to the road for 40 miles. Wasn't even tired. This is a good sign. I am just trying to stay busy, keep my mind off things for awhile and enjoy my last year in my 30s. I am proving that things really do get better with age, like a fine wine, which we ALL know how much I love...

My serenity

Doors and windows and all that.

2011-11-20T07:50:00.001-07:00

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell

We often hear that expression during dire times. Human beings, it seems, are pessimists by nature. We always dwell on missed opportunities and often refer back to our past with words such as "If only I would have..." or "I just wish that..." Why in the world do we torture ourselves like this? It's so frustrating and I too am guilty. My life has taken some unexpected turns in the past few months. For the better I would like to think (now, that is) BUT change is a good thing ... even when, at the time, it was unwanted and dismal and gloomy...and once I was able get past all of the bullshit and really put things into perspective, I realized I will be OK.

We only have one life to live, right? Make the most of it! As long as we are learning from our mistakes, we are growing and evolving, and I believe that is what the gift of life is all about. So, when a door shuts on me, I say screw waiting around for another one to open...I'm just going to climb right out through the window.

See? There are so many amazing things waiting for me on the other side ... they are waiting for you too.

Colorblind.

2011-11-18T08:07:00.003-07:00

I find that as I get older, there are three types of people in this world. Those who see in black and white. Those who see in gray. And those who see in COLOR. Can you guess which one is me? I'm sure you can. I see in PINK! I found an interesting article explaining the symbolism of colors and here is what it said about pink:

Pink is associated with gentleness, softness and calm. Those who choose pink as their favorite color are often calm and sensitive and care about other feelings. Pink lovers are also generally sympathetic and compassionate and dislike controversy of any kind.

Well. I agree 100% with that interpretation except the calm piece. But then I assume that this is explaining the lightest shade of pink? I am definitely at the opposite end of that color spectrum... I love hot pink, in which case, calm doesn't apply. Not even when I'm sleeping. Just the opposite. Yes, that's it. I got it. Replace the word calm with intense. That works for me. Yes. That IS me. However, I am very gentle with children and animals. I have a wicked sensitive soft side and I am incredibly compassionate. I despise controversy and conflict. I avoid it immensely.

So. What color do you see your world in? Or are you simply, colorblind?

Lions and Tigers and PT, oh my!

2011-11-15T21:15:00.001-07:00

I am still going to physical therapy for my hamstring/glute issue. UGH. It's so disheartening to go for a run, look down at my Garmin and realize how much slower I am than I was a year ago. F**k. So annoying. But it could be worse. Way worse. So with that said, I have deep tissue massage, ultra sound and dry needling scheduled out through Christmas. As long as my insurance is going to cover 100% of each $350 to $400 visit [READ: Suckers!], I am all over it. I love the ultra sound but the deep tissue is insane. I am dreading the dry needling. OUCH. Unfortunately or fortunately for my healing, my tolerance for pain is ridiculous. and evil. My last PT appointment, my therapist had her knee - yes KNEE - in my hamstring trying to break apart the scar tissue. She called me a tough cookie. I called myself an ass for ever letting myself get to this point. A dear friend of mine, the Yogi Triathlete, has been lecturing me for years to take care of my body...if only I had listened. *sigh* But I am taking care of myself now, so I guess that's what matters most. I just want to get rid of the pain. and in the famous words of Glinda the Good Witch of the North: You have no power here! Begone, before somebody drops a house on you, too!

Curve balls and lemonade.

2011-11-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

2011. Wow. It's almost over. Do you sit back at the end of each year and say the same thing and then ask yourself the following: Where the heck did all the time go? What did I spend all my time doing? Why is my bank account so low in funds? Was it a wonderful year? Did it suck? What can I change next year to make it better? What will I cut out? What will I add? (What races will I do???)

I know we still have 48 days left in this year but for many so reasons I am already thinking about 2012. I don't want to get ahead of myself though...wishing away my life, leaping out of the moment and missing out on the now. But...I can still dream, right? I don't know what next year holds. Hell, I don't even know what this evening holds. I do know that I am ready to get my batting average up. Throw me a curve ball. I dare you! And all that crap about making lemonade out of lemons - well, I am not a fan of lemonade but toss this girl some sour grapes and I will craft some wicked good wine and toast myself into a wonderful new year...filled with new adventures and beautiful new memories just waiting for me to make...

Narrowing it down.

2011-11-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

After some serious Googling and researching marathons on www.race360.com (an AMAZING website for running races), I have my late winter/early spring races narrowed down to the following... Phoenix RNR in January, (even though I have done it twice already), Austin Marathon (which I kicked ASS in last year) in February OR the Surf City Beach Marathon in Huntington Beach (which I've never done before) also in February. I am currently leaning towards Surf City because I'll get to spend some serious quality time with my family in SoCal...all sorts of Aunts and Uncles and Cousins. However, I could go to either of the other two races with friends. If I wasn't injured, I would jump at the chance to hang out with great girlfriends in Arizona but I don't want to run a "slow" race. I have high expectations for #55 and I would be super bummed with a 4 hour plus race. I ran Austin last year in 3:48 and I really don't think I could top that. So... that leaves me with Surf City for yet another good reason. And...the medals are super cool. I think my mind is made up. SoCal here I come!

Getting antsy.

2011-11-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

With all the racing going on around me, I am getting so antsy for the 2012 season. I am thinking heavily about a possible late winter marathon. Hmm. Possibly L.A. (again) or Mardi Gras in New Orleans (again)? I have become the budget queen so I have to do this on very limited funds. Colorado has so many marathons but they are from May to October. Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh... I don't want to wait that long. So. I am wondering what to do. What can I say....I am addicted. I need to figure out #55!

On the mend.

2011-11-06T19:59:00.004-07:00

Intense physical therapy coupled with ultrasound has begun to sloooowly heal my hamstring/glute issue. I have a long way to go before I am running an 8:42 marathon pace...but for now, I will take a 10+ minute mile for longer than 3 miles. I am back to running 2 days a week with a mid-week 6 or 7 miler, and a longer one on the weekend. I think weight lifting is helping too as I focus on my quads, hamstrings and glutes. I feel it will make a huge difference in the upcoming weeks as emerge back into running.

What a nostalgic weekend for me. Yesterday, was Ironman Florida. Hard to believe I did it 1 year ago. It really made me miss the training and excitement that surrounds 140.6 miles of triathlon hell. Today was the New York City marathon, which I ran back in 2006. It was one of my favorite races of all time - I have probably said this before but it is on my top 5 list. I have already signed up for my next marathon in May 2012, unless something pops up sooner and I want to race an iron-distance triathlon that is actually making its way to Colorado - in Ft Collins actually, on July 29th. I better start saving my money for extra groceries (specifically Cascadian Farm's Dark Chocolate Almond Granola.)

So, with all that being said, I started out around 11:30am with the intention of running 10 miles. It was in the mid-40s and sunny. Perfect if you ask me. I was feeling pretty inspired and hopeful that I could actually run all 10 of those miles and not have to walk. at. all. Half-way through the run, I upped the goal to 12. When I hit mile 8 I said to myself, "Girlfriend, you're running a half-marathon today." and so 13.1 miles later, at a whopping fast pace of 10:14s, I finished smiling and feeling G.O.O.D. I was back in my happy place. I haven't been there for a long time. I love how it feels and I intend to stay here for awhile.

Everything happens for a reason. Fact or fiction?

2011-11-01T21:26:00.001-06:00

Without being able to share what my life is enduring right now, I can tell you that I wake up every day with only one question that I ask myself ... How do I make this an ok day? I hope to one day soon be able to ask myself...How do I make this a great day? I often hear too, that I am only given what I can handle. Some days I don't find that to be true, I find it to be bullshit actually. BUT I somehow am able to drag my butt through my day, make it to my bed at night, fall asleep (at some point) and wake up and vow to myself to give it my best "today." Sometimes my best is mediocre. For now, I'll take it. and I am going with the notion that everything happens for a reason. I am just waiting to find out what that reason is. And with that, I am dragging my butt to bed and am hoping to wake up tomorrow and asking myself, How can I make this a good day?

39.

2011-10-23T19:45:00.015-06:00

At 11:50am CST, I turned 39...but I entered my 40th year of life. Wow. I look in the mirror and I don't see 40 years of living. I don't feel 40 years of living. and I certainly don't act like I have lived for 40 years. But. alas... it's all true. As I look back on the past year, I reflect on my accomplishments and "failures" and try to figure out how this next year can be different. Can be better. We only get one shot. RIGHT?? I need to make every moment count. How do I accomplish this as I enter the next 365 days? With the the assistance of my amazing family, beautiful friends and one. hell. of. an INCREDIBLE therapist. That's how. Happy 39th birthday to me.

Birthday brick me, baby.

2011-10-22T13:12:00.000-06:00

Gosh it feels good to be back. 2 hour trainer ride while watching a sappy Jake Gyllenhal/Anne Hathaway movie and then took it outside for my 2 hour run/walk. Squeaked out 10 miles in 2 hours. Not too shabby for a busted hamstring. I finally feel like all is right with my world again. Chowing down a massive ham, pepper jack, diced potatoes, onion and mushroom omelet. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. and the birthday weekend continues to get better...can't wait for cake!

It's booty time.

2011-10-22T07:55:00.001-06:00

Happy birthday to me! Ok. ok. It isn't quite my birthday yet. Teeeeeeeeeeeeeechnically, it's tomorrow. More precisely, it begins at 12:50pm CST. The exact moment I was born, just a mere 39 years ago. How do I know the exact time of my birth? Because every year, my endearing mother calls me at that. exact time. Every. year! EVERY YEAR. She has never missed a birthday (that I can remember.) This year she is on a cruise somewhere in Europe and I know I will get that call because one of "The Aunts" has a satellite phone. I love it - it's absolutely my favorite part of the day.

I have been somewhat of a mope these past 5 or 6 weeks and woke up today thinking to myself, no. more. moping. Or mopping. I am tired of cleaning around the house. Screw you laundry. Forget you dust. I need to get my ass up early and go exercise. I was actually doing that before but only for an hour or two. walking. slow. Not enough endorphins for this junkie. Today I am going to "up the intensity" a bit. Although there are no races on the docket, I need to find myself doing some bigger workouts on the weekends to shake off the seasonal change blues and possibly the 5 extra lbs that have attached themselves to my ass. (Ok, that's a joke if you have seen my booty!)

So to start off my birthday weekend.... I am going to ride my bike for 2 hours and then go for a 2 hour run/walk. I would love to be able to run the whole time but my little left hammy would be pissed so alas, the run/walk method. I miss my early, big Saturday morning workouts and need to implement them again. Of course, not at the same intensity as Ironman training but enough to feel satisfied. Sunday mornings will be reserved for a bit of a sleep in, coffee and a big breakfast, some tidying up and then getting outside to enjoy what the day has to offer.

Happy birthday weekend to me. woop. woop.

reassess, regroup, rethink.

2011-10-21T06:14:00.000-06:00

In the fall, I have a tendency to withdraw. From social media. From social gatherings. etc. It's something I have always struggled with. As summer fades away, so do I. I openly admit I dislike winter weather immensely. I am a summer girl through and through! This year has provided me with so many changes...some wanted and others not at all. I have had to invest in a good helmet and boots for the shit storm called my life as of late. As I approach my 39th birthday, I am obliged to sit back and take in this past year...what were my highs? my lows? How do I want this next year to be different, need it to be different? What do I need a break from? Who do I need a break from?

At any rate, I feel ready to re-emerge and possibly begin writing again about the things that give me joy. I assure you for now, running is not one of them as I deal with injury - high hamstring tendinopothy. A painful and limiting condition. So, despite having run 2 marathons since the beginning of September - #53 - Boulder Marathon and #54 - Denver Marathon, I need to give running a rest for awhile and reconnect with my bike, maybe the pool, but most importantly myself. Running and I have been best friends since 1998, but I think we need to take a step back from one another and reassess our relationship. I wonder what the future holds? I seem to be asking myself that question a lot lately...

These boots were made for walkin'

2011-09-02T18:01:00.001-06:00

My surgeon said that I could walk, starting the day after surgery. What? That's it? That's all I could do for exercise? I asked how far - she said, start with an hour. and so I did.

By definition, walk means:

obsolete : roam, wanderb of a spirit : to move about in visible form : appearc of a ship : to make headway

a : to move along on foot : advance by stepsb : to come or go easily or readilyc : to go on foot for exercise or pleasured : to go at a walk

a : to pursue a course of action or way of life : conduct oneself : behave <walk warily>b : to be or act in association : continue in union walk together side by side … in peace — Sir Winston Churchill>

For me - walking meant to pursue a way of life. I did a lot of thinking on those walks. I started off with a 3 mile walk, the day after surgery. and from there, it blossomed. I would get up at 5am, throw on my iPod and running shoes - no longer used for running - and would walk. and walk. and walk. Mostly on the trails behind my house. I brought my camera and started taking pictures. Figuratively, I would "stop and smell the roses" ... I was able to notice things that I never saw when I would run. I was having fun again. A kind of fun that was real, not just me saying it was fun. I would think to myself, this is what a normal life is like? Wow. Love. What have I been missing out on? However, I really wasn't missing out anything when I was immersed in Ironman training - I was simply going through the process of growth... that part of my life was a stepping stone to get to where I am now. I have found happiness and peace with waking up every day and just .... walking. and just 23 days after surgery, I have managed to walk 157 miles.

Here are some of the things I would see on my walks that I never really saw before...

September 1st. Already?

2011-09-01T21:37:00.015-06:00

Whoah. Where did summer go? It seemed so foreign to be dating everything 9/1/11 today. But alas. It's September. and summer is practically over. With the coming of Labor Day weekend, the outdoor pools close up shop for the winter. The whites get put to the back of the closet. The sun tucks away behind the mountains earlier and earlier each day, as it sleeps in later and later. The jackets make their way out from the storage bins. The air begins to cool down as does my electricity bills. thank goodness.

August was a blur as I recovered from surgery. It was hot. SO hot. I am actually looking forward to the fall weather. I usually don't say that but I feel differently this year. Bring on the fleece and leaves falling. I guess after surgery, I have a new perspective on life. Plus I think as a result of the surgery being so successful, I may not have constant runny noses anymore?! That was part of the reason I hated the winter so much. Who wants to carry around kleenex 24/7? I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

Surgery and the aftermath.

2011-09-01T21:30:00.060-06:00

8/10 - I was under the knife for 7 hours - (my surgeon removed pollyups, reconstructed my septum and gave me a cute new nose - nice and straight!! and did I mention CUTE)...and I woke up completely disoriented, stiff as a board and my nose packed full of cotton. That was NOT in the plan. I was supposed to be able to have clear sinuses and when I realized I couldn't breathe out my nose, I freaked out. Literally. Panic and anxiety consumed me and I was given a mild sedative immediately. Didn't help as I was afraid I was going to suffocate or choke to death in my sleep. The next night was even worse and my doctor put me on Valium. Still didn't help. All I could think about was staying awake so I wouldn't die...from suffocation. I know that seems completely whacked out but I am an asthmatic and not being able to breathe is my biggest fear. I think in 4 days, I slept a total of 5 hours.

After 2 days, my surgeon replaced the full packing with smaller cotton balls and as the days continued, the cotton "packing" got thinner and thinner. It was still hard to breathe but I managed. My fear of suffocating and choking to death grew smaller. After 6 days, she removed the splint and replaced it with tape. The sight of my new nose, albeit brief, made me bawl my eyes out. I was looking at myself, not recognizing this new feature.

I have wanted my nose fixed for 20 years. It was crooked, long, pointy and had some bumps on it that made it hurt to wear glasses. I didn't like my profile and I never felt like I had a "good side" for photos. PLUS I couldn't freaking breathe out of it! I am sure there are people who judge me, thinking, "she should have accepted her nose the way it was" or "it was unique to her" blah blah blah. Well, this has made me feel 3000% better about myself - not only has this improved my breathing, it has improved my self-esteem. I think, whatever it takes to make yourself feel good, then go for it. Don't judge people! In the long run, this may turn out to be cost-effective as the trip to my therapist may become fewer and farther in between. Seriously! In all actuality though, the changes that were made are ever so slight and no one at work has even noticed. It's crazy - they say things like, your eyes look bigger or did you do something different to your hair? This makes me know that not only did I make the right decision for myself but it's not drastic enough for people to even notice.

As a result of my surgeon, Dr. Carol Reid, being so amazingly talented, I didn't have any bruising (those are just my dark circles in the photos - genetics and lack of sleep!) and minimal swelling, mostly on the right side. This makes my nose still appear slightly crooked - well, at least to me. But it is definitely...perfectly...and most-decidedly... straight. I'll be honest, it didn't hurt at all and I stopped using pain meds and ibuprofen after 2 days - it was the packing that made it intolerable. (I guess I have a high tolerance for pain.)

So....it has been 22 days since my surgery. I made it through the worst part (the packing) and my surgeon is astounded at how well and quickly my nose is healing. I follow her after-care instructions meticulously. She has cleared me for certain activities faster than her other patients. She told me that I could begin walking the day after surgery. I didn't think I would love it but I am totally into it... but I'll save that for another post!

BEFORE

1 day - Post-op and utterly MISERABLE

2 days -post-op, still miserable

4 days - post-op

5 days post-op -First sight of my "new" nose

8 days post-op

9 days post-op and free of tape and splints for good!

10 days post-op

16 days post-op

17 days post-op

21 days post op

August ~ pre-surgery

2011-08-09T21:44:00.026-06:00

With no agenda, this month so far has been a lot of fun. I am back into yoga and practicing Corepower 4-5 times a week. LOVE. Running still hurts a bit - left glute/hamstring issue hasn't seemed to calm down, despite another trip to Mark Plaatjes' chamber of pain so I go when I feel ok. I went out for an 80 mile joyride on Sunday. It was simply fantastic! I always forget how much I love my road bike and all the cool places I get to see when I'm on it.

Tomorrow is my big surgery. The day I have been putting off for a year, literally. I will undergo a 7 hour procedure - 6 hours to completely reconstruct my septum from a prior septoplasty gone bad and an hour dedicated to the outside. Yup, I have decided to go forward with rhinoplasty aka nose job. My nose is pretty crooked with a few bumps and basically is my dad's twin. I love my Dad but I don't want his nose anymore. I want my own. It will be a subtle change to others but a huge one to me. I have wanted my nose "fixed" since I was in my late teens. I am looking forward to the end results but I know my recovery is going to be a living hell.

NoCal

2011-08-01T21:25:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was spent having an absolute BLAST and no regrets with my husband and older sister in San Francisco and Wine Country. As you recall, I was supposed to be racing Vineman this weekend and I did have a moment or two where I was pretty sad that I wasn't. Then another glass of Cabernet or pint of IPA was presented to me and that feeling quickly dissipated.

I had never been to northern California before and was so excited about this trip. We stayed in San Francisco for 2 days before heading out to Sonoma/Napa. This vacation was exactly what I needed, including some running on the ocean as well as an incredible 4 hour mountain biking excursion with StokedSF in Muir Woods. Only 1 crash!

This vacation was exactly what we needed. I can't wait to go back but more importantly, I can't wait for our wine to arrive!

MTB Ride

2011-07-23T18:41:00.000-06:00

I rode Mike's Schwinn Homegrown mountain bike today. It's older than our relationship - a real classic, great bike. I haven't ridden a mountain bike in about 5 years but I was feeling a craving to try it again. Maybe I would like it this time...so many of my friends do. We headed out to Superior and found a great beginner trail. A little rocky in places, very green and some fun little climbs. This was a baby training ride for sure. Entry level. blah blah blah.

We were out for about 2 hours as I started to really get comfortable with the huge differences that compare to a road bike. Mountain biking is freeing. You don't have to worry about getting hit by a car. But it does come with its own set of same dangers...loose rock, tree roots, severe drop offs. But it's so much prettier than the road.

I was doing great and with about 5 minutes to go, and I could literally see our car, I bit the dust. hard. Completely crashed in an extremely rocky and windy road section. First on my left side. I held back the tears and dusted myself off. Got back on the bike. Challenged myself to finish this on wheels, not foot. Not more than 30 seconds later. BAM! Again, down. This time on my right. and there was no holding back the tears. I started bawling. Cursing the rocks. Cursing the bike. Cursing Mike for thinking I could do this. I walked my bike in and limped alongside it. I was aching. My butt. My outer thighs. My ankle. My arm. Why the hell do people love this sport so much? It's so dangerous!

...and about 2 hours later...I started thinking, when can I do this again?!

My bloody paw

My left arm...ouch!

Don't always ditch the tiara...

2011-07-22T09:00:00.005-06:00

A girl lost...

2011-07-20T17:45:00.004-06:00

Making the decision to scale back my training and choose a new path has been a blessing and a curse. I enjoy the idea of trying new things - mountain biking - Corepower yoga *lots and lots of it* - traveling without a race *what?!?!* ...but there are days I feel a little lost. Ok, a lot. My mind is in one place, but my body another. I am still craving those 5 to 6 hour Saturday workouts and 2 a days. I know this will pass as I slowly transition from the skin of an Ironman triathlete to my own...but what my "own" is, I just don't know yet...I'll let you know when I figure it out. Until then, I will take it one step at a time...

Centered.

2011-07-11T21:00:00.001-06:00

Tonight I went back to the one thing I know that can calm me, take my breath away and give me the endorphin rush I need...Corepower Yoga. A few years ago, my SBF introduced me to this practice of yoga and I was immediately addicted, going several times a week. And then Ironman training began and poor Corepower Yoga was kicked to the curb for swimming, biking and running. But now, those 3 disciplines are going to take a backseat (hopefully) to the one activity that gives me everything. Peace, spirituality, a sense of being grounded and an amazing cardio workout. I love it. I absolutely, passionately LOVE it and am already checking out this week's schedule to see how many more classes I can fit in. When one door closes, another one always opens...always.

Floating and flowing.

2011-07-11T20:51:00.000-06:00

My new mantra: Go with the flow, let myself float, see where I land. So far, I am at peace with my decisions. I am still staying active but doing things I love to do. Saturday, Mike and I dusted off our road bikes and went for a 92 mile "fun" ride from our house to Ward. We climbed over 5,000 feet to get there. I loved every moment of it as I was able to share it with my husband. The scenery was beautiful and I missed the fresh smell of mountain air... I see many more weekends in my future like this one. They don't all have to involve 6 1/2 hour bike rides but they definitely need to involve getting to higher elevations and appreciating this magnificent state.

Ward, Colorado 9,450 feet elevation

Ward's version of a roadside junkyard

Mike enjoying an ice cold Coke

Freedom redefined.

2011-07-04T11:16:00.000-06:00

Happy 4th of July! As a nation, we celebrate our Country's freedom. Alone, I celebrate my own. Imagine fireworks, big ~ bold ~ bright. This is what I see every day when I wake up without an agenda. No training schedule. No diet regimen. No physical commitments. Every day is about choices. I have thousands of them and the freedom to make them. I love it. I am having the best summer I've had in a long time. I can't say that I don't feel a pang of disappointment as I listen to my friends talk about their training or weekend race schedule, because there is a tiny part of me that misses that. BUT there is a bigger part of me that is so relieved. I find myself shying away from the people that are so heavily involved with triathlon and endurance sports, and am gravitating towards others with the same goals and aspirations as myself. Dialing it back, getting pregnant, enjoying summer without an assigned bib number every weekend. This doesn't mean that I might not jump into a race here or there, but then again, I might not. Ahhh, the freedom...

It's time.

2011-06-26T10:23:00.004-06:00

Training was going well. Despite some setbacks with my glute/hamstring, I was making progress in PT and starting to feel good again. Then, something hit me. I am not sure what it was or how it came to fruition. Maybe it was the repetitive alarm wake-ups at 4am or the countless "sorry I can't make it replies" to being invited to events. After a really long talk with my little sis in the garage (she is also my new neighbor in case you didn't know they moved here from Florida!) she asked me, Do you even want to do this race? And I was like, without hesitation or warning, No. I don't want to. I don't want to train. I don't want to race. I don't want to continue "not living." You see, for over 3 years, I thought living was Ironman training and racing. Pushing myself past exhaustion. And in fact, it was quite the opposite. for me anyways. I mean, who did I think I was...Chrissie Wellington? So, that night, I emailed the Vineman race director and politely asked for my money back. I don't want to do this anymore. This is completely new territory for me. I have no races on the calendar this summer. Not even a marathon. I can't tell you how liberating and freeing this is for me. I have nothing left to prove, to myself or anyone. I really never did. But I didn't realize that until now. I need to focus on my husband and my furry babies and my family and my friends. I probably need to gain 10 pounds. I need to sleep more. Train less. I need to live. And I couldn't be more confident or happier. I am redefining my defitnition of normal. and Mike and I are still going to San Francisco/Sonoma at the end of July. For a vacation. A real vacation, without a race. It's time.

Vineman Training - Week 3

2011-06-12T17:28:00.002-06:00

4900 meters in the pool, 108 miles on the bike and 30 miles on the run.

So I broked down and saw Plaatjes. He did not disappoint…I was screaming, kicking and sweating the entire time he worked on me. He said that I have a leg length discrepancy (8mm) and that may be the evil root of all my issues. When he cracked my back, I felt so much relief and after the torture session – a hot bath – and a heating pad – I could already feel the positive effects of his handy work. I had a short run with Nate (brother-in-law and neighbor) on Friday and felt fantastic! I am going to continue to seeMark for PT for awhile, until I think we’ve got this issue hammered out. Literally.

Vineman Training - Week 2

2011-06-05T18:51:00.017-06:00

6400 meters in the pool, 156 miles on the bike and 26 miles on the run.

Legs are feeling good. Today I rode the Elephant Rock century, down in Castle Rock. It was a gorgeous ride, incredibly challenging and super windy. I was on my tri bike which made the 6,000 feet of climbing incredibly challenging. There were only a handful of tri bikes out there. I managed to ride 100 miles in 6:09 and definitely felt that dull ache in the legs afterwards. It's a great feeling of accomplishment. My run is starting to suffer a bit as I battle with the glute/hamstring issues on that left side. Really frustrating! I think I am going to have to break down and finally see Mark Plaatjes, an incredible physical therapist that just tortures his clients. Truly. In a good way though! But whatever he does works, as proven by Mike’s recovery. But I’m scared just the same!!

Vineman Training – Week 1

2011-05-29T21:15:00.006-06:00

Week 1... 7000 meters in the pool, 112 miles on the bike and 34 miles on the run.

This week’s highlight was definitely my brick yesterday. My first ever *broken brick* – 32 mile bike/7 mile run/30 mile bike/7 mile run. Apparently, breaking up the run is to give more quality to my run. I managed to run my first 7 in 1:01 and felt great. The heat started to get to me as did some glute issues on that second run but I managed to squeak out a 1:04. I have to admit, I am pretty impressed with myself. Biking then running, then biking and running again is difficult. Duathletes are a special breed!

Let the training begin ....Vineman - Week 1

2011-05-23T23:04:00.000-06:00

After an amazing and electric Ironman weekend in Texas, I am really excited to start my own training. Vineman is the oldest independent full (140.6 miles) distance triathlon in the continental US. The course takes place through Sonoma County’s wine country. This may be the main reason I chose this race! As well sa the fact that it costs half as much as WTC events and it’s a much smaller field, usually coming in at just under 1,000 competitors. Another cool thing about this race is that the women start 30 minutes after the men. I am so happy about this because swimming with the male age groupers can be downright brutal, as I experienced at IMFL…kicked, punched etc. No thanks.

So I chose the shortest training program possible ~ 10 weeks. I have kept up my base since finishing Ironman Florida and I just didn’t want the burnout that typically accompanies a 26 week training program. Only 8 more weeks until taper!

Craig is mixing it up with this short program and I am doing some things very differently. I will be peaking my first 2 weeks, when I typically do that during the final 4 weeks prior to taper. I don’t want to give away his work (my training plan) but I can say that this is going to be fun for the next 8 weeks – incredibly challenging, but very rewarding.

Ironman Texas...from the "other" side ~ May 21st

2011-05-23T22:11:00.001-06:00

Team Freisem

Mike and I packed up the suitcases and made our way down to Houston, TX with lots of sunscreen and antiperspirant/deodorant in tow. As far as I was concerned, we were entering the depths of hell. Heat. Humidity. Wind. All I could think was THANK GOD I’M NOT DOING THIS RACE. It was going to be tough racing conditions for everyone but when you’re in “Ironman” you don’t give a shit about anyone else. It’s all about you. Or in this case, Mike.

This was the inaugural year of Ironman Texas, which took place in The Woodlands, about an hour outside of Houston. The swim course was in a river – very, very narrow, warm and stagnant. As I stood alongside the bank during Mike’s practice swim, I looked down to see a dead fish. Gross. Along with the dead fish, came a water temperature of 79…most athletes opted out of the wetsuit. Strike 1. I will never, ever race a triathlon that I can’t wear a wetsuit in. never. EVER.

The race was on a Saturday and Mike and I had a pretty chill day Friday. He was relaxed and ready. So ready. To get back to it. Last year’s events prevented him from racing Ironman Coeur d’Alene as well as Ironman Florida. This was his comeback. He fiercely prepared for this race with the help of physical therapy, massage and most importantly, our amazing coach – Craig Howie.

As Mike entered the water for the 2.4 mile swim and the cannon boomed, I got the nervous butterflies and chills often associated with Ironman swim starts. The flailing arms. The sea of swim caps bobbing. The screaming and whistling of the spectators. The anticipation of the long day ahead for these people. I was thrilled and excited for the 2700 athletes who spent millions of hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars collectively, preparing for this very moment. The dedication attributed to Ironman training is indescribable and it takes a very special and courageous person to do it…this is why less than 1% of the world will ever dare to show up at the start.

I didn’t see Mike exit the water but I did see him get on his bike and get his legs back. He was smiling and so was I. In 112 miles I would see him again because of this out and back course. I had some friends to hang out with as the hours ticked by and even had a nice surprise visit from our cousin Joel and his family as they lived nearby. The heat continued to rise but we were blessed with a heavy cloud cover.

When Mike made his way back from the bike, all I could think about was that he only had 26.2 more miles to go. Piece of cake. He’s come so far. In just a few hours, he would be called an Ironman for the third time. The run course was broken down in 3 loops. He was suffering, no doubt. The sun broke through and his primary objective was to stay cool and keep moving. He had some dark moments but miles later he resurrected himself from that place and gained his momentum back. His pace increased and the smile came back. The Comeback Kid came back. Redemption was his. He conquered his demons. Not only in this race but in the year leading up to it. As I watched him come through the final quarter mile, I started bawling. An Ironman finish is so emotional, for the triathletes and the spectators -it's awe-inspiring... to think about what these people have had to go through for 140.6 miles - physically and mentally as they spent hours shaking away the pain and self-doubt, mile by mile.

As I saw Mike cross the finish line on the giant video screen, while U2's where The Streets Have No Name blasting (ironically we were supposed to be at that concert back in Denver that night!) there was only one thing I could think about...the comeback was complete.

After 14 long hours, my baby did it. He crossed the finish line of his third 140.6 mile day and became my hero. Again.

Congratulations Pizza Lover… I love you!

Ironwife and her Ironman

5k or 51?

2011-05-15T19:19:00.015-06:00

I was supposed to run the Rocky Mountain Lab Rescue 5K today, put on by some good friends of ours. I was all set, mentally, to go out and just destroy my legs, my lungs and possibly throw up in under 24 minutes. You see, the 5k is not a distance I experiment with. I am afraid of that much pain. It’s uncomfortable. I won’t just go out and casually run it. I am a marathoner so I *expect* that to run only 3.1 miles, I will do it fast. Like, super fast. I thought the same of the half-marathon and that blew up in my face. Take away 10 miles and I’m screwed. It takes me at LEAST 6 or 7 miles to get warmed up. So, when the opportunity knocked on my door at about 1:15PM yesterday, I answered it and gave a giant hug to what was on the other side. An entry to the Colfax Marathon, which just so happened to be, well, today. I had to gracefully and regrettably bow out from the 5k.

With my longest run since Boston being 8 miles, I had my doubts at what kind of time I could put down but it didn’t deter me from starting out strong this morning. My hopes were to come in around 3:50 to 3:55. It was cool (38) and rainy (later turning to snow) and cloudy. It made for a muggy and somber run. Unbeknownst to me, the race organizers changed the course. Again. And I didn’t like it at all. Too many twists and turns, no rhythm could be found. I loved the hills and there were lots of them, mostly long and grinding. Bring on the challenge.

I stopped looking at my Garmin as I felt myself continually slow down. No sense in actually seeing how slow I was getting. My iPod crapped out at mile 14. My legs shortly after. BUT my feet felt great. I mean AWESOME! A few weeks ago, I visited the Boulder Running Company and after a harsh discussion with owner Mark, I was forced to change my stride and my shoe. I have been striking mid-foot for years, which was a huge contributor to all of the foot pain/numbness/bone spurs that were limiting my performance. I am now a converted heel striker. Not heel to toe all the way, but landing more on my heel has begun to alleviate and “erase” all of the issues I have been having. I am back to Adidas Supernova - the shoe I started in 13 years ago. However, I am now in the stability version versus the cushion. What a difference!

At about mile 24, I met up with a guy who was walking up the same hill I was. One in which I have never walked up before, as I have always prided myself in running up those suckers no matter how steep or slow. But today I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t have anything to prove and I was clearly not properly prepared to run a fast marathon. I know I can run a marathon anytime I want, it’s just how fast do I want to do it which will predicate how I train for it. Anyways, back to the hill and the guy. We got to chatting and this was his 11th marathon. I shyly told him this was my 51st. I don’t mind “writing” about my accomplishments but I don’t go around boasting or blabbing about them. It embarrasses me. We ended up run/walking our way to the finish line. I didn’t realize how close I was to coming in to a sub 4 because I stopped looking at my watch hours earlier. Had I know, I may have stepped it up a notch but again, for what? Nothing to prove, not today. Well, I did have one thing to prove. That with little training, I can still go out and do what I love most…run 26.2 miles.

I finished in a whopping 4:07 and change. Marathon #51 is in the books!! Considering the weather and my (lack of) training, I am quite pleased. And remember the whole “what now?” comment previously, yeah…next up is the Estes Park Marathon on June 12th. However, Vineman training begins 1 week from tomorrow. That's when the real fun begins...

The weeks following Boston

2011-05-13T18:40:00.001-06:00

As with any significant event, the days leading up to it are exciting and full of nervous anticipation…and once it’s over, often times you are left with a slightly empty feeling. Although you are sweetly satisfied, you think…Now what? With a wedding, it’s the honeymoon. With a new job, it’s the first paycheck. With a new baby, it’s when he or she starts talking. And with a race, it’s what’s next? And if you know me, you then know just a few days following a race, the wheels are already turning and I am thinking or planning the next one. I am so driven. What IS next? I have a 5k on the horizon. Then a marathon. Then Vineman. All within the next 3 months. And maybe some other races in between, who knows.

The Big 5-0 ~ A turning point in my life ~ April 18th 2011.

2011-05-10T20:58:00.001-06:00

If you would have told me on March 29th, 1998 that in 13 years, my marathon career would be turning 50 in Boston, I would have laughed at you. I mean, full-on-deep-in-the-soul-no-self-esteem-belly laugh. I mean, come on. I ran my first marathon in L.A. on a whim, with only 13 weeks of training and no race experience at all. I finished in a very respectable 4:27, but still. I had no idea what was going to unfold in the years following that 267 minutes… I had no clue what endless possibilities would come my way. If it weren’t for the marathon, I never would have met my husband. If it weren’t for the marathon, I would have not traveled outside of my bubble in Illinois. If it weren’t for the marathon, I never would have met my SBF, BFF and the other amazing women in my life. If it weren’t for the marathon, I can’t think of anything else that I could do that would make my parents and family so proud. If it weren’t for the marathon, I wouldn’t be running in the cutest and pinkest Skirts. If it weren’t for the marathon, I never would have met the woman that would validate my foolish dream of doing an Ironman. If it weren’t for the marathon, I never would have actually completed an Ironman, let alone 4. If it weren’t for the marathon, my self-esteem never would have blossomed.

Actually, without the marathon, “I” never would have blossomed.

To so many these days, the marathon is a fad, a craze if you will, that people are participating in because it’s “cool” or the “in” thing to do. Running 26.2 miles. I have been doing it longer than its rising popularity. I will continue to do so long after the newness and excitement wears off, and people move on to the next popular fitness challenge. So, for me to finish my 50th marathon in the most prestigious, coveted and sought-after venue in the world was beyond priceless. Words fail me quite honestly, but I will do my best to recap this significant moment in my life.

We flew into Newport, RI two days before the race to reconnect with our wonderful friends, BJ and Jess. We haven’t seen them since they moved away last fall, and it was so nice to be away from the hoopla and pretentiousness that was penetrating Boston. We laughed. We ate. We drank. We relaxed. This was the best pre-race ritual, ever. Sunday afternoon, we took off to Boston to get our packets and get settled in to a hotel that was a mere 15 minutes from the race start. I slept in and was leisurely preparing for the day ahead of me.

BJ and I took the old fashioned school bus to the start line. It was relaxed and fun. I wasn’t nervous at all, considering this was THE BOSTON MARATHON. I had barely qualified for the cut-off for the 2nd wave (10:20am) and we began shuffling into our corrals shortly after the start of the race. I met some really nice people as we shivered and chatted with excitement. It was a cool but sunny 40 degrees. There was a nice tailwind too that would carry us on our way, from Hopkinton to Boston.

The race itself was exactly as I remembered it in 2007. Alive. Pulsating. Loud. Invigorating. However, my expectations were much higher of my performance and I really pushed myself early on. The highlight was of course, mile 13…the vibrant cheering girls of Wellesley. Their screams of support was what I needed to get me through the second half of the race. I tried to soak everything in but was in some real pain by mile 20. I was hanging on. I wanted to PR this course. Bad. Even if it was only by 1 second.

As I saw the Citgo sign off in the distance, I knew the pain and suffering was almost over. My left foot was numb and my body ached. I wanted to leave everything out there. And I did. As I rounded the corner and made my way down Boylston Street, the reality of what I was about to accomplish hit me like a tsunami ocean wave and the floodgates opened. I was breathless. I was shaking. and I was crying. As I am now, recounting this moment. I just ran the Boston Marathon. For the 2nd time. Only the ‘best of the best’ runners get to participate. And I was one of them. Me. I just ran my 50th marathon. Yes, that’s 5-0. FIFTY! Even fewer runners can achieve such a goal. And I PR’d this course by 79 seconds. I PR’d my Boston time. Seriously? Not many can say such a thing.

Final time 3:49:03, average pace 8:45

So when someone asks me what it felt like to turn *50*, with a grin and a misty eye, I can say, “it was 3 hours, 49 minutes and 3 seconds of pure amazing.”

So much to talk about, so little time.

2011-05-08T20:17:00.000-06:00

I have so much to share but haven't had one second to myself, it seems, since I've returned from the East Coast. Life is good though. Really good. and when I have some time to myself, I promise, I will share everything. Until then...Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing phenomemoms out there. I can't wait to be one myself...Soon I hope. Soon.

Boston, baby. Boston.

2011-04-14T22:56:00.004-06:00

Well, it's here. The moment I have been waiting for. for 50 weeks. My time to shine. My Olympics. My Tour de France. My Ironman World Championship. My Super Bowl. My World Series. I worked so hard to get to this weekend. I busted my ass. Waking up at 4am to run before work, in the dark of night, in the cold of winter. Grueling track workouts. Running when I didn't want to. Running through painful glute issues. Foot numbness. Massages that hurt. Passing up several nights out with friends. Pasta every Friday night. Telling my poor husband, "I'm too tired" when in fact, I really was. For not returning emails in a timely fashion. For being late just about every day for work because I was exhausted. For letting dust bunnies mate uncontrollably under my furniture. For clean but wrinkled laundry. For oversalting every meal. Never sleeping in. Buying everything on the internet because I had no time to shop. 4 inch roots. Thousands of split ends. Badly cut bangs. Getting to the salon was impossible. Never getting a manicure when my hands desperately needed some TLC. and my feet? Oh forget about it. My neighbors only seeing me in my running clothes. My husband only seeing me in my pj's. My dogs only seeing me sleeping. And all that sacrifice...you ask, was it worth it? Yes, oh hell yes. It has been so worth it. I am running the Boston Marathon. Me! I am running my 50th marathon. Yes, YES it has ALL been worth it. Every second of it. So many might not understand it. I get that. But when I get to that start line, at 10:20am on Monday...and the tears are streaming down my face, and the chills are dancing down my spine, and the pride is bursting through my heart, and my cheeks ache from smiling, I will remember all of those sacrifices, all that hard work, all the support... and soak it up. I will live in that moment. I wish I could describe to you the feelings that I have from the first step to the last, and all the thousands in between. But I can't. It's indescribable. It's a feeling like no other. Ironman doesn't even compare. The day I ran my first marathon, I was reborn. I became who I am today. I am humbled by the marathon. I respect the distance. and for just a few hours, it gives me something that nothing else can. Confidence. there is a peace in my heart, a silence in my mind and an unconditional love for myself...No self-criticism. No self-doubt. No self-loathing. I love the marathon. and I love running it in Boston.

Busted.

2011-04-12T18:11:00.000-06:00

Yup. I have been busted. Called out. Hand caught in the cookie jar, so to speak. I love Nutella. I love peanut butter. and lately, I have loved dipping my spoon in the Nutella, then in the peanut butter. Which apparently has my husband freaked out. He thought it was toast crumbs. as if. Nope. My secret's out. I dip my nutella in the peanut butter jar. Oh yeah. Mmmmm. mmm.

Total madness I tell you, MADNESS

2011-04-08T22:04:00.007-06:00

Lately, it seems like my world is spinning uncontrollably. I cram so much into my days. Why? Why can't things just wait until tomorrow. Or the weekend. Or next week? It's something I have struggled with for the past few (10 or so!) years. I feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I need to slow down. I move to fast. I need to make the moments last. Thank you Simon and Garfunkel. I need to stop the madness before the madness makes me, well, mad. Plus I don't like rabbit holes much.

800s at the track.

2011-03-29T21:09:00.002-06:00

After last night's dull and low intensity 60 minute ride on the trainer, I was ready to work really hard tonight. I have had a rough 2 days at work and more importantly, a bad stomach-ache today. I almost bagged tonight's 6 mile run. However, I know from past experience that when you least want to work out, you will undoubtedly have the best workout. Tonight was no exception!

The track is about 1.75 miles from my house so I warmed up slowly, leaving at 6pm. I love early evening workouts. The weather was ideal - mid 50s. The sun was in its final stages before setting and there was a light wind. I was pretty psyched. I debated back and forth between 400s and 800s. Since my default is always the 1/4 mile repeat, I stepped outside that comfort zone and opted for the 1/2 mile instead. I have never done this on a track, only on the treadmill - which is so controlled, so I had no idea what I could actually do on my own.

I thought I could start out at a moderate pace and bump it from there. I was running on a perceived effort and felt that my pace for the first lap was an 8:00 minute mile. I looked down at my watch, 7:20. Holy f**k. This workout is going to H.U.R.T. First 800 - 3:45. Ok, I can do this.

and I did, and I did, and I did. I got faster with each 800. My lungs were burning. My heart was screaming. My breathing was loud and labored. But my legs felt great. I had to talk myself through each effort. Keep calm. Relax. How bad do you want this? You can do anything for a half-mile. You will run your goal at Boston.

This season, I feel like I am having an out of body experience. I look in the mirror and see the same person. I see my race results and I know I'm not. If I can pick any one word that embodies me this season, it's FOCUS. I am focused. 4 years ago, I ran Boston in 3:50:12. If I can follow my race plan, I should have a new Boston PR. BUT I will have to focus, for 26.2miles, on my favorite course in the country.

My times for each 800

3:45
3:38
3:31
3:26
3:24

I opted for 400s for my last 1/2 mile... I wanted to die.
1/4 mile ~ 1:41
1/4 mile ~ 1:37

My only goal tonight was to get faster with each effort. and I did. I just think, Holy shit, will I be able to do at sea level?

Finishing up week 16.

2011-03-27T21:02:00.009-06:00

What? Have I "officially" been training for Boston for 16 weeks? A record training schedule for me for the past 3 years as I believe in the Less is More mentality and think, that for ME, 8 weeks is plenty. At any rate, I had a pretty decent week of training. My big swim Thursday was 3400 meters. My long run Saturday, 20 miles was executed perfectly. I negative split three 10K loops, with my 20th mile being the fastest. I am at the point where I just want Boston. to. get. HERE. I don't want to wish away my life but I am chomping at the bit to run A.) my most favorite marathon course on the planet B.) see my friends, the G's in their new hometown in Rhode Island and C.) to accomplish an incredible goal - my 50th marathon. I still think I am living in a dream. A good dream. A dream that I hope I to have over, and over, and over again.

What is a hero?

2011-03-21T06:44:00.079-06:00

Back in the day, if you would have asked me, who are my heroes? I would have said people like, Lance Armstrong, Pre, Constantina Tomescu-Dita, Chrissie Wellington etc. The common theme there? They are all athletes. Athletes born with God-given talents that made "working out" and "racing to win" their full time jobs. These talents have afforded them the opportunities that most of us can only dream about. What do they fight for? First place. Sponsors. Speed. Prizes. and then one day, all that changed. They dropped off my list entirely. Well, all but one but it will become clear why. It happened in an instant. It became abundantly clear they weren't fighting for anything. They were simply trying to be the best at their "jobs." What shifted my thinking? What redefined my definition of a hero? An email in December from one of *The Aunts.* Her daughter, my cousin, at the age of 36 was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. What? No! Older people get cancer. People I don't know get cancer. and certainly women in their 30s do not. get. cancer. Or so I thought...

My bubble of ignorance burst. Reality slapped me across the face. And then it kicked me in the gut. And then it stabbed me in the back. Cancer doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care how old you are. It doesn't care about your gender. And it certainly doesn't care about your family.

My gorgeous and vivacious cousin, E. has gone through several surgeries, one of which was a full hysterectomy. at the age of 36. Think about it ladies...She has finished 2 rounds of chemo, with hopefully only 2 more to go. She fights nauseau daily. She is tired most of the time. She had the most gorgeous, thick, long and naturally blonde hair - a very unusual characteristic in my family. It started to fall out so she cut it short - a cute pixie style. and then she finally had to shave her head. Now she wears an adorable brunette wig. She has an amazing husband. Adorable 4 year old daughter. Wonderful family. Incredible friends. and probably the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever known.

E. is still smiling. She laughs. She openly writes about cancer on Facebook. Although she is probably scared, she is not afraid to talk about her journey. She is not afraid to live her life, day to day, taking the punches, getting knocked down and then getting back up on her own two feet. She is not alone. She has not shut anyone out. and most importantly, she doesn't feel sorry for herself. She is fighting for her life. She wants to win this race. She is looking for speed to get cancer out of her body. She certainly has sponsors, lots of them, who believe in her and will be with her all the way to the finish line. and the prizes? What she does all of this for? To watch her little girl walk down the aisle and get married one day. To go on a second and third and fourth honeymoon with her husband. To become a Grandmother herself. To live a long and happy life. So, I ask you again...what is a hero?

E. and I

Trashed.

2011-03-10T19:28:00.007-07:00

My body is a wreck. My half-marathon effort destroyed me. I think that's the last time I run one of those for awhile. My legs are trash. Workouts this week are me simply going through the motion. I've learned a valuable lesson. I love 26.2!

That Dam Half-Marathon

2011-03-06T21:27:00.005-07:00

What was I thinking? 13.1 miles. a half-marathon? I have NO clue how to run that damn distance. None at all. I ran 4 miles as a warm-up before Mike and I headed down to Cherry Creek State Park. The race wasn't until 10am. What? Seriously? Man, these half-marathoners have it E.Z. In typical fashion, we left late, got lost and barely made it to the start line after scouring the Explorer for Mike's lost iPod, only to tangle my headphones with his and neither one of us having music for the race. Grr.

We had about 90 seconds to spare so my HR was already spiked. I ran up to the front and took off. Mile 1 ... 7:26. Oh boy, I really don't know how to run this thing. After about 8 miles, crazy hills and a heart rate hovering 200, I crapped out. Hit the wall. Fizzled out. DIED. I managed to scrap a 1:50 out of it, missing a 1:49 by about 5 seconds. crud. Maybe I should have started out slower? DER! I think I am going to stick to what I know. 26.2 miles. My comfort zone. Dam. it.

A little swim anyone?

2011-03-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

I just love Fridays. I mean, who doesn't? Granted, Saturday is better (if you don't have to work) but I love kicking off the weekend with a great day at work (productive, no drama) and my after-work long swim. There is something about gliding through the water on a Friday night, after a tough week that really relaxes me and gets myself out of my own head. Just love! 3100 meter swim tonight. It felt really good. Free. fluid. like a kid.

Came home to a delicious dinner - Chicken Cordon Bleu and a big, beautiful salad. A couple of tasty IPAs and a fun little movie with J-LO - The Back Up Plan. Love her, what a darling. Early to bed and hope to get a jump on some spring cleaning tomorrow. It's in the air...

The week is looking better.

2011-03-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

I had a tough day at work yesterday. I work on a team with 2 women and one has been out sick, I mean, seriously ill for almost 7 days and the other women is due to have a baby any day now. As tax season is full blow crazy right now, every day can be so hectic! (I work at a Brokerage Firm) and I pretty much HATE tax time.

Yesterday was a rest day for me. I took little Looneys for her 4th PT appointment and she is doing GREAT! She is 4 weeks post surgery and we are up to walking her a total of 45 minutes a day. She is so strong. When we go to PT, she gets to walk on the little doggy underwater treadmill. She is just so dang cute!

Today was such a better day! Wow. I was so motivated and productive. LOVE days like that. It was another gorgeous Colorado winter day, getting up to 66. I had a nice recovery run - 7.5 miles and relished the slowness of it all. I just took in my surroundings and really slowed it down. It felt so fluid. These types of runs are so great for me as I reset myself. both mentally and physically.

Tomorrow is Friday. So excited for the weekend. Lots of fun plans. some great training and time with friends. I love the balance.

Joshua Radin - Boulder Theater

2011-03-01T23:36:00.025-07:00

After what was a crap day at work, I was really looking forward to seeing one of my favorite Singer-Songwriters in Boulder - Joshua Radin. Oh gosh, I SO love his music!!

I hurried home and worked off some steam from my day with a 75 minute trainer rider, quickly changed, scarfed down dinner and then we headed to the Boulder Theater. Laura Jansen opened up and she was incredible. What a pistol! She's a great newcomer to the music scene and worth listening to. She set the bar pretty high and when it was time for Josh to come out, we were so pumped!

He cussing ROCKED the house. He is such a powerful vocalist and amazing songwriter. I am so glad I just happend to look at his tour schedule on Friday. Crazy!! I am pretty wound up from tonight and it will take some time to settle down and go to bed (at which 6am will come too soon) but he was so worth it the late night... Plus he's a total babe!!! (I'm pretty sure Mike would agree.)

I have broken so far out of my comfort zone.

2011-03-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was another rough day at work. April 15th...where are you? I work in the financial industry and this is my least favorite time of year. I got out of work an hour late [Boo! HISS!] and was pretty anxious to hit the pavement with my running shoes and some Black Eyed Peas (not the Super Bowl half-time version of them though!!)

It was gorgeous out - 60 degrees today. I can hardly believe Spring is just 3 weeks away and even more exciting, daylight savings is a mere 11 days away. It will be so nice to not have to run in the dark and maybe even be able to squeeze in some bike rides after work. Yippee!!

My legs were feeling really good and I wanted to try something new. I wanted to get so far out of my comfort zone and run as fast as I could, knowing my heart would be crawling up my throat, along with perhaps, my lunch. But I was prepared mentally for that. I actually am going to run a half-marathon on Sunday -something which I have only done twice before in the past 13 years (unless you count the 98 half-marathons that I have run during my 49 marathons but I am pretty I can't) and see what I can do. Mike is so cute. He asked me "Are you going throw down Sunday?" Um. hell yes? I actually have to run 17.5 miles that day so I will warm up with 2 and cool down with 2.5. and then of course, lunch and some beers with my good friend Cara and her hubby Mike. and my Mike because we're all doing the half.

Back to my 5.5 mile tempo run. I started out like a bat of hell and somehow managed to stay there for all 5.5 miles. I run an out and back course, which is all uphill out and all downhill back. I love it -Boston is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

Mile 1 - 7:41
Mile 2 - 7:36
Mile 3 - 7:33
Mile 4 - 7:31
Mile 5 - 7:27
Last 1/2 Mile - 7:05
Total time = 41:21.82
Average pace 7:31

And that my friends is how you negative split your tempo run. Which by the way is my fastest outside tempo run. ever. and how have I gotten to this point in running career? Thank you speedwork. Thank you Coach Howie. Thank you Magic Hands II. Thank you mind. Thank you heart. and most importantly ... thank you Legs!!

5.5 Miles in 41:21.82

10 mile run with the man

2011-02-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

After a nice morning, drinking coffee and hanging out with Mike and the kids, he headed into the basement for a few movies and a 55 mile ride. The drawback to doing an Ironman so early in the season (May 21st.) Yucko. I think we headed out for his 10 mile run around 1pm or so. We hit the trails and it was a really warm day, sunny too. We definitely overdressed. We kept at his pace and knocked out 10:30s. So proud of my tenacious husband. He has overcome so much in the past year ... 2 knee scopes, a broken collar bone and is now dealing with *as a result of the same bike crash that mashed his collar bone in 5 places* serious hip pain. He has a torn labrum, in addition to the re-aggravation and re-inflammation of FAIS (femoral acetabular impingement syndrome.) Translation? Serious hip pain! He will welcome a cortisone shot to get him through a 70.s in Galveston in April and then Ironman Texas in May. He's a stud! There is also possible talk of Team Freisem doing Vineman together. So excited!! He truly is the Comeback Kid (like William Shatner's career!!)

Now it's time to kick back, eat some serious throw-down home made pizza, drink some bad ass IPAs and watch the Oscars. What a GREAT day!!

Saturday swim.

2011-02-27T16:30:00.004-07:00

Switched it up a little today. Typically I knock out my long run or brick or long ride. But opted for a nice afternoon swim. 2500 meters. Felt good to swim 2 days in a row. Tomorrow I am going to help Mike out with his run. He has a 55/10 brick and it will be fun for me to screw around in the morning to catch up on life. I feel pretty happy these days...about everything.

The cat is out of the bag...

2011-02-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

The cat is out!

As desperately as I tried to keep my big summer race a secret until a little closer to the date, alas, I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. It's too exciting not to share. Plus how could I possibly hide 120 mile bike rides and 4500 meter swims? The 26.2 mile run part, however, would be a piece of cake!

Let's rewind a bit though so you can understand why this is such a big deal. In November, I went off of birth control with the intent of getting pregnant. Now, after 20 years of being on said birth control, well,...let's just say it's going to take my 38 year old body a little bit longer to adjust and normalize so-to-speak. Back in 2004, when Mike and I first tried, I didn't give my body any time after going off the pill and had 2 miscarriages back to back. I am not going to make that same mistake again. I am giving myself 6 months of wiggle room and then we can begin trying. That puts us into June. and in my mind. Um. Well, what's another month? After some pretty serious discussions with Mike and my Coach, and myself, I decided that I could take on another 140.6 mile challenge. More importantly that I wanted to. However, training would be different. It wouldn't consume every minute of every day for 26-32 weeks. With my base, my Coach and I determined that 10 weeks would be plenty of time for me to prepare for the big day. #5. Yup. Another "Ironman." What can I say? I am addicted to the distance.

As you can imagine, such a late decision would mean no WTC races for me this year. (WTC = the IRONMAN brand.) and what with happened to Mike last year, having to drop out of two of their IM's after surgeries and them not giving him back his money, I thought...SCREW YOU WTC! I don't need your races this year. The thought of not having to drop $650 on another race was also comforting.

My qualifications for this race? I wanted a small race. I wanted a beautiful venue. I wanted to experience 140.6 miles of grit, soul searching and little crowd support...I need to see how tough I am. I found it. The perfect race. The perfect date. The perfect venue. Vineman. The oldest iron distance event in the United States. 700 triathletes. 206 women singed up to date. Sonoma County's wine country. Are you kidding me? I get to tour Northern California's wine country?!?! On my bike? SOLD! I'm in! Sign me up! and for a whopping $350. I am officially registered. Race date is July 30th. Training begins May 22nd...while we're in Texas for Mike's Ironman. What a great way to kick it off!!!

Recovery Week

2011-02-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

Enjoying 512 IPA

Oh yeah,we're feeling good!

After Sunday's race, Mike, Dee and I hit downtown Austin. and we hit. it. hard. Wow. Started off with some sweet IPAs at a place called The Cedar Door...a few pitchers later, we were a little lighter in our step and a lot louder in our conversation. We started wandering around, listening for live music and we stumbled upon a place called The Friends, where there was a live Blues band...they jammed! We switched over from beer to Jameson Whiskey on the rocks. Not sure it was such a good idea but hindsight is 20/20! After we cleaned that bar out of whiskey, we moved on. Ended up at a place called the Dizzy Rooster...It just got uglier from there and at some point, we made it back to the hotel and ordered late night room service and chatted it up. Mike went to bed aka passed out and Twin and I continued our conversation (to which I cannot recall. haha) I just love that girl to death! She is definitely my best friend!!! and what's even cooler is how well she and Mike get along. I am a very lucky girl. Sunday's after-marathon party was a well deserved and much needed night out! The next morning, we flew back home. It was a quick trip, in and out. and so worth every moment! Mike and I loved this race and will definitely do it again sometime in the future.

ption

Monday - after a hard core day Sunday, I took it easy and swam a nice and relaxing 1500 meters.
Tuesday - Rest
Wednesday - Rode the trainer for an hour and 15 minutes
Thursday - A nice and little 20 mile ride/3 mile run brick. I miss those!!
Friday - Tonight, I met Mike at the pool and swam 2000 meters.

I love recovery week. It gives me time to catch up on "life."

Austin Marathon ~ #49

2011-02-20T14:38:00.012-07:00

7am race start. Overcast skies. Cool breeze. Lots of humidity. Lots of smiling. Hot Pink Race outfit courtesy of SkirtSports. Rested legs and a huge desire to kick some ass. 26.2 miles later, I did. 4th fastest race time ever but perhaps my fastest on a what I will call a "real" course (the other 3 times were on downhill courses!) I am really proud of myself. Like, really freaking proud. This course is harder than Boston. I can't wait until April 18th.

Kristina Freisem #3668

Broomfield, CO, USA

Age: 38 Gender: F

Distance	MAR
Clock Time	3:56:03
Chip Time	3:48:41
Overall Place	731 / 4808
Gender Place	124 / 1945
Division Place	17 / 350
Tot Div	4808
Tot Gend	1945
Tot Ag	350
5K Rank	1111
5K Time	27:00
10M Rank	1305
10M Time	1:26:34
Half Rank	1177
Half Time	1:53:50
20M Rank	907
20M Time	2:54:17
Final 10K Rank	731
Final 10K Time	3:48:41
Total Pace	8:44/M

I've been up to...

2011-02-18T21:21:00.038-07:00

nothing new! ha. Wish I had more exciting news to share but alas, my life revolves around my pup's recovery right now. 2 weeks post surgery and Luna is a rock star. Life has had to adjust majorly but we're all making do.

Training is on track. I am in week 11 for Boston. I'm still swimming twice a week, biking and running 3 times a week. If I decide on a summer triathlon, I'll be ready.

Tomorrow we leave for Austin. Marathon #49. I'm pretty excited. Austin's marathon course claims to be challenging and hilly? Oh yeah. My two favorite race attributes!! Flat courses are for the birds. I say bring on the hills!! I race so much better on them. The humidity though? Not so much. But I'm not going to let that hold me back. Mike is doing the half-marathon and Twin is flying down from Spokane to join in on the fun. It will be her 48th marathon/ultra so between the two of us, we'll have 97 26.2+ mile races under our belts on Sunday. Nuts! OH and I figured out the other day, that since I started running marathons in 1998, I have logged over 22,000 miles. What?!? I think that number is actually over 23,000 because in the early days, I ran 6 days a week logging 50-65 miles at a pop! However, that has scaled back in the past 3 years to just 3 times a week for a max of 40 miles. That is PLENTY! I imagine Dean Karnazes runs 23,000 in 1 year but it's all relative, right?

Sunday's goal is a 3:50 and I hope I can pull that out of my ass considering the course profile...we'll see!

Austin Marathon Elevation Profile

NYC Half-Marathon ~ March 20th

2011-02-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Want to run the NYC Half-Marathon and be a part of one of the world's best road races? Join The Fresh Air Fund-Racers on March 20th, 2011! The amazing 13.1-mile course takes you through beautiful Central Park, action-packed Times Square and ends with breathtaking finish-line views of the New York City harbor. CLICK HERE to find out more on how to join the Team and make a difference in the life of a child today!

Fresh Air children are boys and girls, six to 18 years old, who live in New York City. Children on first-time visits are six to 12 years old and stay for either one or two weeks. Youngsters who are re-invited by the same family may continue with The Fund through age 18, and many enjoy longer summertime visits, year after year. A visit to the home of a warm and loving volunteer host family can make all the difference in the world to an inner-city child. All it takes to create lifelong memories is laughing in the sunshine and making new friends.

The majority of Fresh Air children are from low-income communities. These are often families without the resources to send their children on summer vacations. Most inner-city youngsters grow up in towering apartment buildings without large, open, outdoor play spaces. Concrete playgrounds cannot replace the freedom of running barefoot through the grass or riding bikes down country lanes.

Friday.

2011-02-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

Ever since my run on Wednesday night, I have had this eerie calm fall over me. It's incredibly hard for me to put into words how a strong sense of peace and solitude has filled my heart. I love it. It feels amazing. It gives me confidence in myself and in my decisions.

Tonight, I took this quite calm confidence with me into the water. I love my Friday night pool ritual. It's usually pretty empty, and with incredibly mellow music in my ears, I took on 2300 meters. Effortlessy. Quietly. I drew myself inward and worked on the high elbows and the 90 degree catch. Before I knew it I was done and in the hot tub. My other most favorite place to be on Friday nights. I soaked it up, literally, did some stretches and just zoned out. I came home to a beautifully made meal by my husband and my sweet furry babies loving on me. What a great day. and did I mention it's supposed to be in the 60s this weekend? That thought calms me even more...

Long week. Long nights.

2011-02-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been sleeping too solid since Luna's surgery. Ok, since I was about 13 but whatever. She's my baby and I sure do worry about her. I know she has no concept of time or space but I sure do. This morning I woke up at 5am and hopped on the trainer for an hour. It felt good to just move. Wake up a little. I am exhausted, don't get me wrong. and I am not sure how I operate on such few hours of sleep. It will all catch up to me one day and I will end up sleeping like, 26 hours. and it will be heaven.

7 miles.

2011-02-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week so far. and it's only Wednesay. The weather has been anything but pleasant. Cold. Really cold. Single digits. I rode the trainer on Monday and Tuesday. A cop out. I just want to be at home. For Luna, Willow and myself. Mike has been in Canada and thankfully gets home tomorrow. I miss him.

Luna is recovering well. She's amazing. Putting pressure on her right leg,almost immediately. She is tough and resilient. I am envious of her strength at times.

It was about 20 degrees tonight and rather than making it easy on myself and heading to the gym for a 7 mile run, I decided to let some fresh air do me good. I layered up. 2 pair of gloves. Compression socks. A hat. A scarf. My gore-tex windproof jacket. I grabbed my garmin but had no intention of using it as a guide.

At about 6:45pm, I left the house, determined to have a good run. No agenda. No speed work. No goals. Just me, Alexi Murdoch whispering in my ears, my trusty Brooks and the stars above.

When you lace up your kicks and head out for a run, do you find yourself running away? do you use running as an escape? I always have. I thought it was what I needed to do in order to shed the problems and struggles of my day. But not tonight. I dangled that carrot in front of me. For the first time in almost 14 years, I wasn't runing away from my life, I was running towards it...into the arms of my dreams and aspirations. I am desperate to live the life I deserve. and these 7 simple miles filled me to the core. I had no idea how fast I was actually running because I was so thrilled to realize that I didn't need to run away anymore. I am running towards the quiet in myself I have always needed....this is why I run. I have found the love of running again. The fire and passion is back...

21 mile run.

2011-02-06T19:11:00.018-07:00

I did get my swim in yesterday. It felt wonderful, such a sense of accomplishment. Afterwards, I had a beautiful and snowy 6 mile run with my dear friend Amy. Afterwards, we grabbed lunch and caught up some more. Then I was fortunate to spend more time with her and her family until it was time to head home, eat dinner and enjoy some quiet time with Mike and the girls.

We were hit with a huge snow storm and very low temps today. I didn't get out for my run until 11am. And in all honestly, I was dreading it. I thought about heading to the gym and toughing it out on the treadmill. All 21 miles. but that sounded so unappealing. I just wanted to look mother nature in the eye and tough it out. I though about only running 12 miles and I realized that I needed more. I wanted to prove to myself that I am tough. and that I could do this.

It was insane. It was freezing. It was icy. The snow was thick and deep. It was so windy. I opted for east/west patterns of running since the wind was coming straight from the north and it just ripped through my bones, leaving me chilled. I wasted time by running back and forth on certain roads. Mile after mile. and in a record slow time of 3:39, I was triumphant. 21 miles logged. What a sense of accomplishment. I even went so far as to strap some grocery bags over my socks to stay dry. Nothing like running it retro style. Now it's time to warm up. and let some pride fill my heart. 2 weeks until the Austin Marathon...

Kickin' it old school. grocery bags.

Blurry

2011-02-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been living in a constant state of fuzziness since Monday. Training has taken a back seat. My family is so much more important. I feel like I ran this week, maybe road the bike on the trainer? Did I swim? To be honest, I can't remember really. My attention has been on Luna. and poor little, unsuspecting Willow. She has no idea what is going on and she misses playing with her big sister. I have been sleeping on an air mattress outside Luna's crate. wanting her to know I am there for her. And in all honesty, it's more comforting to me than to her.

Tomorrow I am heading to the pool for a 3000 meter swim. I need to knock this out. Get lost in the serenity of the water. Feel like I'm floating. and for no other reason than to just escape for a little while.

Surgery.

2011-02-02T18:17:00.001-07:00

Luna had a very successful surgery this morning. The surgeon was amazing, She is now on her road to recovery. I visited her after work and she was groggy. Poor kid. She has no idea what is going on. That is what I hate the most about the life of a dog. and love. Their inability to feel fear. All they care about is being loved. What a gift. I can't wait to get her home and love on her.

Our biggest fear, realized...again.

2011-01-31T22:06:00.010-07:00

For 3 years, we protected our oldest pup, Luna, from reliving a torn ACL. Her left knee had been operated on and was stable. It was just a matter of time. We kept her weight down. We tried to limit her puppy like rants and crazy runs. However, after almost 3 years, our biggest fear was realized after she jumped off the couch to catch up with her crazy little sister in a game of tug o'war. It was surreal as we watched her slide onto the hardwood and fall onto her backside. and we knew. Mike and I. without question. She had torn her right ACL. She instantly picked up her back leg. We looked at each other. Tears welling up in our eyes. Fear filling our hearts. Dread of what was to come. Surgery. 8-12 weeks recovery. The horse crate being resurrected in the living room. The cone. Her inactivity. Her impatience. Our breaking hearts. She will go to the vet tomorrow morning and I will be told what I don't want to hear. Her best chances for a thriving life will be a second TPLO surgery. I need strength. I need to find it for her. and for me.

My precious baby, Luna

January Ride

2011-01-29T19:48:00.001-07:00

We have been graced these past few days with some really warm, sunny weather. I mean so warm that my-friends-in-the-midwest/east-hate-me-so-much kind of warm. Sunshine and all. Today was in the low 60s but as Mike and I rolled out around 12:45pm, the cloud cover hung over a little bit longer than anticipated, causing it to seem cooler than it actually was. Windy too. The flags were flying perfectly horizontal as they saluted the mountains. So, we either had to fight a cross wind or suck it up and enjoy some wind at our backs for awhile before we had to turn around. Either way, it was going to be a tough day mentally.

And it was. It tooks us much longer than we hoped to ride 60 miles. I probably could have dressed a little warmer. Mike too! He said his feet felt like little iceboxes. It's funny how 60 degrees is really warm when you're running, even warmer when you're just outside gardening and super chilly when you're riding. The highlight of the ride was stopping at the general store in Hygiene. Hygiene is a hot spot for cyclists to take a break...a cute little, biker-friendly town. I bought a slice of gluten free banana nut bread and it was to die for! All buttery and moist...by far the tastiest I've ever had!!! It made the dread of 30 more miles to go, in the wind, fade away...albeit momentarily. haha.

We got home just before 5pm, beating sundown. barely. It felt so good to be out there again...who knows how long this warmth will last. Spring fever is definitely in the air in Colorado and it's January 30th. Crazy! On tap for the night? Pizza (chicago-style, of course! IPAs and Salt with Angelina Jolie...hope she doesn't disappoint!)

Perspective.

2011-01-28T20:56:00.026-07:00

I am about 99% healthy, with a tiny residual sniffle now and again. I hate being sick and work very hard all year round on not getting sick. I take vitamins. Eat right. Exercise. A lot. Add immune boosters when I need to. Sleep well. Ok, that's a lie. I sleep as much as I can, knowing that most normal people couldn't survive on the few hours I get a night. C'est la vie!

I had some great workouts this week. 8 mile tempo run. Weight training ~ and I even threw in 2 leg exercises. My puny peg legs need to gather some serious muscle mass. Rode the trainer a couple of times this week too. Had a much missed 2500 meter swim tonight. It felt great to get back in the water. I am still slooooow but swimming that distance was a piece of cake. I guess that's what 3 years of Ironman training will do to you. It will take some serious adapting to what a normal distance workout is...however, I am in no rush to find out. But I am learning that a zippy 2 mile run is just as good as a slow 1 hour trainer ride. It's all about perspective and how I view the "quality" of the workout. Its a learning process and not always so fun....but one day, that will change.

decisions.

2011-01-25T11:49:00.018-07:00

I have been fighting a cold since late last week. I had to bag some big workouts this weekend...a 3100 meter swim and my 18 mile run. I got to about mile 3 before I decided to turn around and head home, knowing that the run would have been pure junk if I had finished all 18 miles. Sometimes, doing nothing at all and resting helps your body actually get stronger than suffering through a useless workout. Today, I feel so much better and am going to ease back into my training this week. It's a recovery week and I will do what I need to and go from there...want to be rested for this upcoming weekend so I can hit my run hard....making a decision to rest can be hard but in the end it is always the best one!

My world.

2011-01-24T22:18:00.003-07:00

As a native Chicagoan, I should be used to the cold January days, that lack of sun...which is exactly what we have had recently but briefly (thank God!) However, it doesn't mean I have to actually like winter. Upon returning from Florida, I was definitely down. I missed the warmth. I missed wearing short sleeve shirts and fun skirts. But mostly. I just. missed. my. family. Despite the wonderful 300+ days of sun, incredibly mild weather year-round, glorious mountains that look down and provide a sense of protection in the distance, and let's not forget the most wicked IPAs on the planet, Colorado lacks the joy, affection and love of my family. I believe that I as get older, I become increasingly sensitive to not having my sisters down the street to spend Saturdays with, running errands or sharing a cup of coffee while gossiping. I can't just drive over to my parent's house on Sunday for dinner or scour their pantry for cookies or chips, raid my mother's vanity for her latest freebies from Lancome or Estee Lauder . My brother and I can't just go grab a beer and quote random Chris Farley movies. I was so ignorant in my 20s. I was spoiled. I was stupid. They were right. THERE. and I didn't take advantage of that. Hindsight is 20/20. I never really understood that expression until now. I have no idea what the future holds. Perhaps it will sway in my favor and "someone" will move here. I needn't say names as they know who they are. I think I talk to my little sister every other morning...without fail, for 30 minutes. What do we talk about? WHO CARES. We laugh. We share. We are close, finally. She is training for her first 5k. I talk to my older sister several times a week too. We always know what's going on each other's lives. We make fun of grade school teachers (nuns actually...we're so going to hell!) We remember. My brother busts his ass at work, then spends hours a day, training at the gym. We are dead opposites...and a lot alike. I am all cardio and carbs, he is all weights and protein. He weighs, literally, twice as much as I do. But he makes me freaking laugh. I try to reach out to him every few weeks or so, just to make sure he's ok. My parents and I talk almost weekly. Hell, I even talk to my brother-in-law 2-3 times a week. I am so fortunate that I am so close to them. My heart breaks for my friends who don't have that same relationship. I told Mike a few months ago that family vacations are a *priority.* Top of the list. I wouldn't be who I am today without them and every time I am with them, I forget about everything else...the troubles, the worries, the stresses. I get to be...ME. The clown. The nosey one. The one who speaks up and talks wildly with my hands, and typically in a loud voice. I cry. Yes, I am the cryer, the emotional one. I wear my heart on my sleeve. and they don't care. We're not a perfect family though. Hell, we're just as dysfunctional as the next (that's what 12 years of Catholic schooling will do to you!) we drive each other crazy. But we love each other, flaws and all. They have gotten up at 5am to come see me race. They have traveled all over the country to cheer me on, as if every marathon or Ironman was my first. My parents still scream at the top of their lungs when I cross the finish line, after they have patiently waited there for 4 hours (or 13), in the heat, hungry...exhausted...but so proud. My mom knows exactly how many marathons I've run. and not because it's posted in my profile. Because she just knows. She was torn because the Boston Marathon is the same weekend as her 3rd granddaughter's 1st birthday. Um, Ma...go see your grandchild turn 1! I will qualify again, I promise. I think if I gave my pop a cheesy plastic button that said "My daughter Kristina runs marathons", he would wear it proudly to work, every day. Seriously. I'm a lucky kid. and sister. and Aunt. and wife (that goes without saying) and one day...I hope to be a lucky mom.

My world.

Me? Stylish? Well, alrighty then!

2011-01-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, if 5-4-3-2-1 thinks I'm stylish, aw, shucks, I will just have to learn how to take a compliment!! My beautiful and amazing friend and fellow blogger, Cara, is a rock star! Please check out her musings and mishaps as she trains for her first marathon.

Now, apparently there are no set rules in receiving the Sylish Blogger Award but I have read that I need to share seven things about myself or share seven photos of my past (um, no way). And so without further adieu, please read on and laugh, I mean learn...

1. I tend to add "ers" to the end of all of my pet's names. I call Willow - Willers, Luna - Looners and I called Josey - Josers. I don't call Mike - Mikers so I know rule this only applies to animals.

2. I detest listening to other people brush their teeth. I hate to hear that contstant brushing and swooshing in their mouths. It drives. me. NUTS.

3. I still eat macaroni and cheese with hot dogs for dinner when Mike is out of town. My friend Cara eats popcorn so hey, we all have our vices.

4. I absolutely refuse to pay a race entry fee for anything less than a marathon. I cannot justify forking over $80 for a half-marathon when I can get up at 4am on a weekday and do it before work. seriously.

5. I probably only get 5 hours of sleep a night. Not enough for the average person let alone someone who trains as much as I do but somehow it works. I don't know how, but it does.

6. I am obsessed with vacuuming. I love it. I hate dirty floors. I vacuumed twice today. I am not kidding.

7. My husband is my best friend. Poor guy. I do everything in front of him that I would do if no one were watching. I think he has even told me that I am the grossest person he knows. But I don't care because I know that I can truly be me and he will love me anyways. I am so lucky!

Now to pass on the Stylish Blogger award to some of MY favorites!! Check them out....they rock.

Momma Fid ... Karen was a childhood friend that always made me laugh...she still does as an adorable mother who lives a most animated and humorous life.

For the Love of Pizza ... ok, ok, this is my husband's blog but he is eloquent AND hilarious!

Views from the Mountain ... KK is a wonderful friend and a badass triathelete (and I mean BADASS!) Her humor and honesty is raw and entertaining.

The Disney Marathon #48

2011-01-09T22:21:00.079-07:00

After a big ol' traditional pasta dinner last night, the 3:15am alarm came all too quickly. It was startling in all reality. This is ridiculous. Get up in the middle of the night to run a marathon that will have you finished by the time most normal people are finishing reading the paper and drinking their 2nd cup o' joe? I am all for working out and racing but this is a little early Disney World. I mean. seriously.

Nate and I got to the race start at about 4:30 am. We probably should have paid attention to where we parked *because at 11am, we had NO clue where the car was and spent 40 minutes looking for it. der!* We were herded like cattle to the start corrals. I was originally in Corral H (dead last with the newbies and walkers) and Nate was in Corral E. I had forgotten to submit a qualifying time to get me closer to the front. Duh. At about 10pm last night, I realized that given the right circumstances, an H could indeed look like an E. and in all fairness, I would have probably been in corral B anyways so I don't consider this to be a big deal really. We did have a baby blessing to get to at 2pm today! I did it to save time. Truly. We were both in Corral E.

My goal was to keep Nate at an even pace and I really wanted to get him done in under 4:20. I know he had hopes of 4 hours and I thought we might be able to pull it off but within the first few miles, I knew that it wasn't realistic. It was chilly and it could have been very easy to blow it up but I made sure he was on a pace that he could handle for 26.2 miles. We had a blast for the first 21 miles or so as we made our way through Epcot, The Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios. I stopped to take pictures and was Facebooking as well as Twittering along the way. I loved being able to share the experience, live, with our family.

Epcot

Magic Kingdom

Me and Some Chipmunks

Nate's race started at about mile 22. I could tell that he was starting to hurt - the miles were taking their toll. He became a little more quiet, a little less enthusiastic, as I chirped on and chatted away. I told him to keep his blinders on and ignore everyone who was walking. I told him to dig deep, making him aware that he was stronger than he thought he was. I just told him to stick with me. I ran ahead slightly and really started to push the pace at mile 24. At mile 25, I let it all out and I told him that this was temporary, it was almost over and that the suffering would be worth it. We picked up the pace that last mile by almost 90 seconds. He did this race in 2004 (I think?) and finished it in 5:27. As we hauled ass around the final corner and we could see all the spectators screaming and cheering (I picked out my family immediately), I started screaming and sprinting. Nate followed suit and together, we crossed the finish line in 4:13 bitches! A 74 minute PR by a kid who started training for this marathon weighing 30+ lbs more than he did today. I am so proud of my brother-in-law. What a rockstar!!!!!

Also, please know that Mike ran the Disney Half Marathon yesterday in 2:09...simply AMAZING considering all he has been through....another ROCKSTAR! And Nate and Amy's friend Vanessa ran her first half-marathon ever in 2:14...nice work girl!! I would also like to note that our first half was only 44 seconds faster than our second...I am a damn good pacer!!! Next up? Marathon #49 next month in the Lone Star State...look out Texas, I'm coming to Austin!

Amy, Nate, Me and Mike

Vanessa, Nate, Mike and I
The Runners

Our medals! (Mine is the beer)

oRLaNdO!

2011-01-07T16:15:00.000-07:00

We're here. We got in late last night and arrived at the Brewer's around 1am. I can already feel the humidity...my fingers are swelling, my hair is frizzing and my nose is well, happy. No dryness to deal with. SCORE! The forecast looks perfect for Sunday. Light winds, low in the upper 40's, high in the mid-60's. Considering we start at 5:45am, there will be no issues with heat. yippee!

The rest of the family arrived today and we're getting together tonight for dinner. I am sure many laughs will be had and many beers will be consumed. What a special weekend. I just love it when the family is all together!!

Me and My sissies

Christmas to New Year

2011-01-02T17:06:00.004-07:00

Often the holidays are a blur. This year was no different. 2010 came and went so quickly. For many, many reasons I am glad to see it behind me. I look forward to a new year. New hopes. New challenges to face. New dreams to chase.

Christmas was fun...Mike and I were little hermits and just enjoyed being together. No racing around to houses, dealing with the outside world. It would be wonderful to do that though, don't get me wrong. It would be nice to have to pick and choose which family's house to drive to and when but right now, my family is an airplane ride away. Not exactly convenient.

Training has been great. Despite a glute/hamstring issue that I have on my left leg, I am getting excited for the Disney Marathon. It will be wonderful to be with my family again too!

New Year's Eve was low-key. Mike and I went to see The Fighter with Mark Wahlberg. AMAZING movie. A must see. (He's wicked hot in that movie...Mike will concur!)

We leave for Orlando on Thursday. Can't wait!

Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T18:10:00.000-07:00

First swim post surgery

Yesterday's swim was a success! Mike felt great and swam 1000 meters. I had a hard time recognizing the fact that it had been 9 weeks since his last swim. Clearly, this is a result of an amazing surgeon and an even more amazing patient. He did all of the PT that was asked of him outside of actual PT. He has been so diligent with staying on top of it. So proud of you baby!! I swam 2500 meters and felt great. I am really working on my stroke technique and hoping my kick ass swimmer friend Amy R. will spend some time with me in the water when she comes out in January. She swam for Michigan State and I would be so honored for her to help coach me!

This morning I ran 11 1/2 miles. It was tough. I have been battling some serious glute/hamstring soreness and tightness. I haven't been giving myself the tlc I should. My fault ...100%. I have a 90 minute massage on Sunday that I can guarantee is going to put me in a world of hurt. I need to be better to my amazing body that gives me so much.

Tonight, Mike and I are going to celebrate Christmas...in keeping with tradition. We open all of our gifts except our stockings and are going to watch Christmas Vacation. I am looking forward to some serious pj and relaxation time...on top of a wonderful dinner and delicious cabernet!

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve Eve.

2010-12-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

Pos Surgery - Day 2

Big day today. BIG I tell you. Santa is coming early! 8 weeks ago, my poor husband was laid up, feeling sorry for himself, drugged out of his mind, in a whole world of hurt. A 6" titanium plate was screwed into his collar bone, which was broken in 5 places. P.A.I.N.F.U.L. But now? Wow. 56 days later...and he is recovered. He is training for a half-marathon. He is riding his bike. and today? Yeah. Oh yeah. Today he gets to SWIM. We're hitting the pool this afternoon and after what seems like an eternity, he is finally getting in the water. I am not sure who is more excited. Well, it's probably him but I am really freaking excited. What a wonderful Christmas present!!

Cancer fucking sucks.

2010-12-21T21:38:00.002-07:00

We all know someone who has been affected by cancer. The statistics seem to grow increasingly out of control with those who get it. What the fuck science. You can create a baby from a test tube, you can clone an animal, you can even send a bazillion tons of steel to the moon...but you can't find a cure for cancer?

My family has been turned upside down and thrown for a loop...I found out today that a very beloved (and young) member of my family, has ovarian cancer. I lost my Grandmother and Aunt to ovarian cancer. I am so paranoid that I too may get it. How can I not be? I have an amazing Uncle who is a Prostate Cancer Survivor, I lost an Uncle to Brain Cancer. My mother-in-law is a Breast Cancer Survivor, whose mother and niece also had breast cancer. We have even more extended relatives who have had breast cancer, some won the battle, some lost. BUT. they were all older than me. Until now. I had always thought, well, it only happens to "older" people because that is all I had ever known.

I have mixed feelings right now. I am so PISSED OFF. I am angry. I am sad. I am hopeful. I love this person so much and I hope she can feel the love that I know so many have for her. Please pray for her. She will be at the City of Hope on December 29th to discuss diagnosis, prognosis and treatment. This Christmas is more important to her than any other. The family doesn't want presents this year. We want a miracle. For her. For her husband. For her amazing daughter. Please God, answer our prayers. Just this once. Please.

How is it that I am SO busy?

2010-12-20T22:17:00.001-07:00

I have no idea how, but I seem to be so much busier NOW than when I was training for Ironman. Geez. I thought I was supposed to have 'more' time, not less, for life. But regardless, what is happening all around me IS my life and I just try to take it one day at a time. I think I waited a whole 3 days after Florida to begin working out again. It's insane how fast my recovery time now is. I ran 13 miles the Saturday following IMFL. I felt great. A tiny bit sore but didn't really lose my speed. I love how I am getting to *that* point physically. It's amazing.

Work has kept me busy with year-end financial wrap ups. I still try to maintain a 6 day a week training program (for my sanity and Mike's) by running 3 x's, swimming and biking 2x's.I keep saying I want to throw yoga into the mix but I just haven't made the commitment yet. Just like anything else, starting the habit is the hardest part. I know how sore I will be and I am not ready for that. What can I say, I'm a p**sy. Yes folks, I would rather workout for 7 hours than go to a 1 hour yoga class. Sad.

We traveled to San Diego and Port St Lucie (FL) the first two weekends in December and that was a blast! Mike's work Christmas Party and then the Freisem Family Festive blowout. We vowed for detox upon return of both trips. Dirty Martinis are the devil's poison. I love the olives though!

Mike's clavicle surgery recovery is impressive. He has been cleared to run and bike, which he has been doing a lot of these past few weeks. The simple fact that he can actually run is a blessing in itself. We have enjoyed a few training runs together and it was magnificent...it felt like the good ol' days. He is going to make his post surgery debut at the pool on Thursday and you can bet your ass there will be some serious celebrating going on. I am so excited for him!!

I have been training for about a month?! or so for the Disney marathon, which is in a few weeks. My entire family is flying out (or already living there) to Orlando that weekend for the Jensen Family Christmas, my Godchild's blessing (the recovering Catholic's version of a baptism), the Disney Half-Marathon (Mike) and the Marathon (Me.) My awesome brother-in-law, Nate, is also running the marathon. Actually, he's the reason I am running it. He asked me to and I think that's pretty cool. He ran it quite a few years ago with Mike and blew out his hamstring at mile 14 and had to walk quite a bit of the last 12 miles. He has approached this training so differently and I have a pretty good feeling he's going to beat Jared the Subway guy's time from the NYC marathon by at least an hour!! (That's Nate's goal - hilarious)

It's hard to believe Christmas is this weekend. I have been the chicken without a head for the past week trying to finish all my shopping. Each year, I vow to start earlier, and each year I start later. Oh well.

As far as 2011 goes, it's all kind of up in the air. I have 3 marathons planned by April and then...??? Mike and I are hoping to start a family and whether we adopt or have a child of our own, we know that loving a baby comes from the heart and not from the belly, so whatever is meant to be will be the best for us. We're just so excited (and scared shitless) at the thought of becoming parents!! God help our unborn child.

As this year rapidly comes to a close, I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, 2 adorable furry four legged kids, an amazing family, cherished friends and many incredible accomplishments. I know that 2011 will be even more fulfilling!!

Ironman Florida ~ Panama City Beach, FL ~ November 6th

2010-11-20T09:22:00.058-07:00

Friday – the day before

Have you ever swam in the Ocean? I hadn’t. Not until November 5th, the day before my 4th Ironman. There were 6 foot swells. It was incredibly windy. The air was chilly. The water, as far I’m concerned, was perfect. It didn’t matter that I was carried out in a current, hundreds of meters from where I started, or where I wanted to go to. It didn’t matter that I was tasting salt with every breath. I loved the freedom of the Ocean… the Gulf of Mexico. I became so calm as I could see everything below me. The sand. Some fish. I could see other swimmers next to me. It was amazing. I felt like a kid again, on a new adventure and I knew the moment I put my face in and felt the warm, salty water that the swim was going to be my favorite part of the race.

Saturday – Race Day

It was a tough morning. I woke up, after a good night of sleep and started to prepare for the day ahead of me. I was calm, I took my time getting ready. I listened to inspiring music to get myself pumped up. Then, I walked out of the bedroom and saw Mike, on his computer, in regular, every day clothes. It hit me like a wave. He would not be racing with me, going through the day with me. Instead, he would be side-lined. Choking back emotions that he had been stuffing down, I’m sure for 3 weeks, since the crash. It made me sad. Really sad. He walked Tim and I over to the swim start, gave us Good Luck hugs, encouraging words and one last kiss for me. I started bawling. I clung to him. I didn’t want him to leave. He was supposed to be beside me. Holding my hand while we waited for the cannon to boom at the swim start, sand between our toes. Waving at me on the bike. Kissing me on the run. It brings tears to my eyes still...

2.4 Mile Swim

I started on the inside, back in the sand. I am not a fan of beach starts and this time was no different. I took my time getting into the water before I actually started swimming. Despite the previous days swells, the water was like glass. Warm. Peaceful. For awhile anyways. It definitely roughened up as everyone found their groove. The first turn buoy was a nightmare but I was prepared for that mentally. I saw no marine life but it was pretty surreal to turn my head left, then right and see swimmers surrounding me. With the ocean floor slowly coming into sight, I was relieved to be half-way finished. I had a wonderful surprise waiting for me as I exited the water, up the beach for the first lap. There was Mike, crouched low, with a fabulous Janus Funds VIP pass, waiting for me. My face lit up, I kissed him and hurried my way back down to the water for lap 2. This was by far, the most physical contact swim I’ve had in all 4 iron distance races. I was kicked in the head, punched in the head twice and then kicked in the chest once. All you can do is take it in stride and know that it’s not personal. Not my fastest swim, not my slowest, but definitely my favorite!